TV stations announce new approach to cookery programmes

Updated: 4 days ago


Amid news that supermarkets have been filling gaps on their shelves with pictures and cardboard replicas of produce, television companies have been rushing to produce cooking programmes using cardboard cut-outs of celebrity chefs along with replica soundtracks from previous episodes when they each had a go at cooking the same dishes.


A spokesperson for the BBC explained: 'We've known for a long time, that although these programmes are popular and interest people in exciting recipes, they were only ever watched by people under 50, because older people already know how to cook. We also know that although these programmes are educational, which ticks a box in our charter, not a single person under 50 has ever attempted to try the recipes themselves, preferring instead to buy a ready meal version of it.


When asked whether the older generation would miss seeing celebrity chefs cook in person, Agnes Smith from Lancashire said “Course I won't. They only ever cooked foreign muck. There isn't one of them who had a go at doing proper food like tripe and onions or a pigs' trotter stew.”


Entrepreneurs from the graphics industry have however seen an opportunity in producing cardboard cut-outs of viewers who can watch the new cookery programmes whilst those who buy them can go down the pub, like they used to when Agnes was a lass, making sure of course, that she put the veg on to cook before leaving the home.


It's rumoured Nigel Farage once picked up a cardboard cut-out of Gordon Ramsay from a skip and took it home to keep him company, pretending he has a friend. Said a source close to the former leader of political parties various: “It may be difficult to get Farage to part with it, but if they could run to a packet of fags and a pint of Old and Filthy, you never know your luck.”