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'Ugly naked guy' will not return to Top Gear‏

Although 'Joey' from Friends is set to join the new cast of Top Gear, 'Ugly Naked Clarkson' has ruled out a return to the BBC's flagship motoring programme. The acquisition of Matt LeBlanc is particularly a coup for his agent Estelle Leonard, given that she died in the last season of the ‘Friends’ boxset. A spokeswoman the BBC said: ‘We’d rather our Top Gear presenters not hurl racist insults at our guests and just ask ‘How you doin'?’

Meanwhile Clarkson has signed an exclusive £160million deal with Amazon, with his co-presenters James 'Smelly Cat' May and a faeces-throwing monkey - called Hammond. Although all three are seen as relatively minor comic characters in comparison to ‘Joey’, they can claim to have perfected Janice’s irritating nasal whine – ‘Ohhh—myyy—Gawd, a Toyota Yaris!’.

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