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UK obesity epidemic could lead to ink shortages by Christmas’ warn tattooists

Tattooists across the UK have warned they could run out of ink within the next few months unless people starts losing a bit of weight.

Jed Marshall, a tattooist from Haringey says that when he set up his first tattoo parlour back in the mid 80s a pot of tattoo ink would cover four or five different people.

But now Jake says you are lucky if you can get one pot to cover one single chubby.

‘We are getting more and more fatties in the shop these days and it’s really having an impact on our ink supplies’ warned Jake…..’whereas in the 80s someone might come back from Marbella and ask for a small tattoo of the sun going down over the horizon as a little reminder of their holiday…..well, nowadays when they come back you can fit in the sunset, a school of dolphins, a couple of beach huts and still have room for a palm tree full of coconuts.

I had one lady come in asking me if I could do a tattoo of that famous picture hanging in one of the French museums….I said ‘do you mean the Mona Lisa…and she said no, I mean the Bayeux Tapestry….it took me six effing weeks to complete. And we are getting a lot more people asking if we can do anything with their cellulitis….you know, make it look a bit more attractive, a bit sexier…..but nothing too expensive just in case they have to have their leg off.

Some parlours have completely given up on round liners and pre-soldered needles and have switched over to the whaling harpoon instead…..apparently there is more chance of a harpoon canon penetrating love-handle blubber than the traditional tattooists needle.

Ink reserves are now at their lowest level since records began and shortages are inevitable unless customers do something about their BMI before coming in for a tattoo warned Jake.

image from pixabay

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