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Woman’s medical insurance provides ‘Courtesy Wife’

A married woman has taken out a medical insurance policy that provides her useless husband with a temporary partner if hospitalised.

Wife of twenty long years, Margaret Chadwick, has taken out a ‘Stressful partner’ medical insurance policy with the optional extra of providing a temporary replacement female should she be bedridden or hospitalised.

Margaret explained: “It just makes good sense. Having been Kevin’s wife for two decades I know what a state everything will be in if I’m absent. He’ll rapidly descend into a four-hour sleep/eat/shit pattern, the kids will be gnawing at door frames because they haven’t had a decent meal and somehow the roof will go missing.

“I stayed out overnight on a hen party once and came back to find the whole house had moved eight inches sideways, how the f**k does that happen? I’ve opted for the Basic Courtesy Wife. She’ll take care of meals, washing, cleaning and refuse. I’m not paying for the Premium Courtesy Wife with all the extras, he can answer the door, brush his teeth and wipe his own arse, thank you!

“On the downside, there’s a huge damage waiver in case the Courtesy Wife isn’t returned in the same emotional and psychological state as supplied. I might as well write that off now. I’ve told Kevin to take a policy out, but not bother with the Courtesy Husband, I’ll just draw a beard onto a sack of spuds.”

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