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You don’t need no educayshun says Educayshun Secrutree

Updated: Aug 21, 2023

Education Secretary Gillian Keegan has told teenagers opening their A-level results that their grades don't matter, because, to quote Mickey 'Blue Eyes' Gove, this country has had enough of experts. Under a Tory government, it's who you know that counts.

One rich tosspot who did poorly in his school exams bellowed ‘I know Matt Hancock, so although I got 2 D's and an E at 18, my dubious PPE contracts bought my trophy wife 2 D’s and myself a lot of E.’

A tabloid sleazeball noted ‘The only people interested in academically successful kids are Daily Mail photographers, who hope to catch two attractive female ones hugging or jumping into the air in unison. Maybe they’re 18, maybe they're not. Phwoar.'

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