Despite three Amazon Prime vans attempting to locate RAF Fairford, the online retailer insists it will deliver the packages ordered late last week from a Mr I Ran. 'Apparently they insist we don't leave the packages at the air base next door,' said an Amazon spokesman, adding, 'it's very irritating as for some reason security is very tight at the moment. Maybe they should order some Ring doorbell cameras if they're so paranoid,' Counter terrorist police are being typically tight-lipped but...

The Metropolitan Police has advertised for a Professional Apologist to help them keep up with all the cock-ups, racism and murders.

Celebrity gold enthusiast and part-time politician Nigel Farage has added a deerstalker and magnifying glass to his selection of weird costumes. The sartorial switch comes after Farage appointed himself as ‘consulting detective’ on the Ann Widdecombe case.