An investigation has confirmed that Green Party leader Zack Polanski is not, in fact, a human being but a sentient, highly ambitious Savoy cabbage masquerading as a politician. The probe, which involved a reporter disguised as a bottle of organic seaweed fertiliser, found that "Polanski" is the figurehead for a secret cabal of root vegetables aiming to overthrow the UK government and establish a Vegetarian Socialist State. The Cult of the Cabbage The investigation found that the Green Party...

LONDON — Following the introduction of the new Renters’ Rights Act, which comes into full force on 1 May 2026, the government has moved to reassure private property owners that they will still be able to subject tenants to unspeakable horrors, marking a triumphant return to traditional Victorian landlord-tenant dynamics. While the legislation technically bans "no-fault evictions" and converts all tenancies to rolling periodic contracts, landlords have been granted sweeping new powers to...

Following the historic passage of the Tobacco and Vapes Bill – which promises that anyone born after 2008 will remain as fresh as a dew-covered organic kale leaf – and the Terminally Ill Adults Bill, the government has clarified the new rules on choosing how to shuffle off this mortal coil. While you are now strictly forbidden from opting for a slow, smoky death via a packet of Lambert & Butler, you are warmly invited to select a quick, dignified one via the NHS – provided, of course, you...