It was announced today that Hollywood has given the green light to a new all-action movie called “Return of the King'. The film tells the story of Andygorn, a wanderer in the political wilderness of The North who is revealed to be the true heir to the throne of Westminster. He is opposed in his quest by a strange, goblin-like creature called Keirllum, who keeps muttering that staying in power is 'precious' to him, though he seems to have no idea what to do with it. The relationship between...

An expedition into the remote Amazon jungle has failed to discover anyone who was surprised by the news that a newly elected Reform councillor has been sacked for past racist tweets. After several weeks in which they didn’t encounter a human soul, the expedition was surprised to come across a village of tribes people who appeared to have had no contact at all with the outside world. However, according to village headman Guaraná, none of them had been at all surprised by the news that Glenn...

With Reform gaining so many seats in the local council elections, we present a guide to the Reform policies that we can all expect to benefit from in the coming months and years. The capital of England to be moved to Thurrock, where the Wetherspoons will become the new Houses of Parliament White vans to be exempted from road tax, and homes from council tax if they fly the Cross of St George ID cards to be scrapped and replaced with signet rings containing biometric information, with...