Claiming the £5,000,000 grift, sorry gift, was for personal security, The Supreme Leader of Reform spaffed the whole lot on state-of-the-art anti-milkshake technology: • Low orbit dairy drink detection satellites • A small portable Surface to Milkshake missile system • Paper Straw proof vest • Milk stabilisation robots, to slowly stir any milk rather than violently agitate it • Lessons in not being a racist bell-end – (unfortunately he did not any) https://pixabay.com/photos/berries-beverage-...

The worryingly titled Monger Union believe cheese and iron are respected food and metal items, however they they wish to expand into other fields. A representative said, “If a whole species like fish can be mongered, what about just adding another living thing, maybe ducks?” There is a danger is specialising in just in old timey metalwork and specific dairy products, and they are after something more cutting edge like Artificial Intelligence, Cryptocurrency or the abstract concept of ennui....

Already a record fine, this stands to increase by 15/2 if Stroll On By comes in. Payers William Hill, were surprisingly enthusiastic to fast track a new account opened by the Gambling Commission CEO. The official response from the Gambling Commission CEO is “It’s a dead cert this one, this is so much fun, won’t be stopping at this current time”. A William Hill representative says they will get round to checking this new account at some point, probably later this afternoon. Horse Horses Animal...