'You have reached the UK Government. We are currently on annual leave until September. Please hold and you will be put through to your Member of Parliament as soon as the donor funded Sambuca-fest on a private island in the Caribbean vomits forth its degenerate and soul-blackened gravy train. Your cost of living crisis is important to us. If you would like to receive a call back from the chinless moon-unit you had no choice but to vote for, please press 9.5 now and we will keep your space in...

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In a Panorama exclusive tonight, after three and a half years of meticulous investigation, Laura Kuenssberg finally reveals what the cameras in the House of Commons are actually recording – a carefully staged, partly improvised showcase of what might happen in that grand building if we actually had a proper government. Through interviews with the show’s writers, Richard Curtis, Jo Brand, E L James and Gary Delaney, and explorations of the daily lives of actors Pev Datel (Rishi Sunak), Kory...