In a press conference held beside a stack of gilded MAGA hats, President Donald Trump announced his intention to annex Trumptonshire, having ‘done tremendous research’ by watching several YouTube clips late at night. Trump praised the county as ‘very British, very quaint, frankly very annexable’, apparently unaware that Trumptonshire is a fictional setting from a 1960s UK children’s television series. “People are saying it’s not real,” Trump said, waving away questions. “But I saw it on...

A father of two was described as the most shocked individual present during his household’s Christmas celebrations, after watching his children open a series of gifts he had never seen before. Witnesses say Tom Perry, 42, was visibly surprised as each gift was unwrapped, audibly gasping at items that appeared to align uncannily well with his children’s personalities, interests, and correct clothing sizes. “Wow,” Perry exclaimed, after one present was opened. “I never knew they liked Lego.” As...

Festive panic is sweeping the nation after Santa Claus announced he will be outsourcing Christmas gift deliveries to Evri and other mainstream courier companies this year. Santa said he has been forced to make logistical changes, confessing that Rudolph and the other reindeer are all getting on a bit, and are now more arthritic than magical. “They’ve done wonderfully up to now,” Santa said of his reindeer, “but Dasher’s knees click like a Geiger counter, Prancer needs a sit-down after going...