.

President Trump is complaining about the media walkout on his social media accounts. But he cannot be seen bitching and whinging on mainstream media after a boycott by the White House press corps. MS Now led their morning news bulletin with a story about a cat stuck up a tree. Politico went with a special report on the elections in Germany. And CNN highlighted a Dakota man with an interesting collection of cutlery. A CNN spokesman said, 'We are fully in favour of free speech

.

Heroic BBC mandarins have again took scent of the national mood and in a time of enduring crisis dealt with two key enemies of the state. Robert "Mugabe" Webb and David "David Irivng" Mitchell, long proponents of ignorant hate bile from their infamous sketch show. In the latest attempt to curtail creative licence and satire but still profit from it, the Beeb has removed several sketches from the Mitchell and Webb Look to prevent the nation clutching its pearls. Sketches oppos

Sitting in his empty living room as bailiffs take the last of his furniture to their van, Red Wall voter, Alan Barnes, who voted Tory first time at the last election after previously having always supported Labour, is ecstatic with the mini-budget. 'OK, cards on the table, I was a Boris man through and through. His integrity and honesty really won me over. But now we’ve got Liz and Kwasi at the helm, things have just got even better. Believe me, that 63p a month gift sure is

.

.

.

The UK has given up education and will now focus on menial low-wage jobs, with students studying Advance Button Pressing and certificates in Lid Removal Technologies. Boasted one student, ‘Last month I mastered yoghurt pots and marker pens, and if I pass my exam I might be allowed to put them back on again.’ Colleges will have an array of bespoke vocational experiences, including a Diploma in Queue Observation, an Award in Chair Alignment and a Level 2 Beverage Transportation

'For years, we’d been trying to discover why brain cells die off in Alzheimer’s disease,' a leading scientist from the UK's Dementia Research Institute told reporters yesterday. 'But in a way, the answer had been staring us right in the face. 'Just think about what you've all done! You have made your poor brain cells sit through thousands of episodes of breakfast TV featuring Holly, Phil and Roland Rat. 'You have subjected them to Kylie Minogue and Rick Astley, and the speech

Secondary schools all over the country are facing a return to 1980’s style “corridor chaos” as the new rules on mobile phones dig in and pupils start behaving like children again. Unforeseen consequences to the new rules have seen pupils become more unruly on corridors and in playgrounds as their screens have been taken away at each morning’s registration. Mr Scoggins, Year 8 tutor and AI and Cybersecurity teacher at Mussby Common Academy was quoted: ”It’s crazy! When they ha

"It's been 20 months since that mad sod of a bull came back in here," lamented the owner of White House Fine Ceramics to reporters from amidst the piles of broken porcelain strewn across his shop floor, "and it's been doing a demolition job on the place ever since. "The first thing the monster laid its hate-filled eyes on was a finely-crafted piece called 'Free Trade', and it instantly started destroying it with a series of wild and reckless tariff charges. "Then it spied an

.

.

.

Just when it was thought Trump's pronouncements could not be come any more bizarre or unhinged, world leaders were left reeling and stupefied during his rambling address to the United Nations. 'I think,' said the ochre would-be emperor, 'these Chargossians should not be allowed to join the Federation. I told Captain Jean-Luc Picard this when he approached me for my views on the matter. A lot of people want to know my views on things. I'm a clever guy. Smart. Real smart. Peopl