It can't be WWIII, Germany hasn't joined in

Those complaining that the conflict in the Middle East is a world war, forget it's not a party until it's a Nazi Party. Explained the German Ambassador: 'We own the copyright on the letters WW, which is why no animals or wrestlers can work without our say so.'

Israel has been trying its best to imitate the OG, with its sinister black shirts and dodgy European accents. unfortunately they lack the authenticity that comes with a penchant for leather, logistics and methamphetamine. Germany at least tried to cover up their war crimes, they did not turn them into an OnlyFans account.

Germany is doing its best to join the conflict by rearming, but is struggling to start WWIII in Iran, when they are all ready committed to making one in Ukraine. The Ambassador said: 'Normally we need a pathological narcissist to lead us, but he's too busy running The White House.'

image from pixabay

Epstein List and British Honours List to merge

The Soviets described it as Kompromat, but most just call it Prince Andrew. This is the use of sexual blackmail to control the rich and powerful or to get Peter Mandelson his own Netflix special. It is now such a sign of prestige to be caught between two Ukranian rent boys, that anyone not on the Epstein List is just not trying hard enough.

Some politicians need to be tricked into a honey trap, whereas someone like Bill Clinton has his own CIA sponsored OnlyFans site. Cynics refer to the UK'S OBE as the Order of Bibi & Epstein. Suggesting that the Venn Diagram of politicians with a sex tape and who are supporting genocide is now a perfect circle.

Epstein's list matches Hansard and is longer than the phone book. Said one S7 leader: 'No one knows how many are compromised, but I can guarantee we all f$$k like Gods!'

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

King Charles “really not that interested in soldiers marching about”

Following today’s Trooping of the Colour ceremony, Buckingham Palace has issued a statement saying King Charles really isn’t that interested in watching soldiers marching about.

”I know mummy used to enjoy it, though God knows the ancient Greek always looked as bored as f*ck.

”Anyway, I’m King now and what I say goes. So please don’t expect me to sit through this bollocks again next year, all this stupid marching about for no reason. I mean, they don’t even look like real soldiers in those silly red uniforms and furry hats. No wonder we lost India. 

“And don’t get me started on the bloody Red Arrows. So you can fly close to each other belching out coloured smoke, whoopee doo-dah. Do you know how many bloody times I’ve seen that? Either learn a new trick or let me enjoy my birthday in my own way.

”And that’s another thing - it’s not even my birthday, it’s my official birthday, which is a load of bollocks, frankly. My actual birthday is on… well, I don’t recall, but one of my staff will know.”

Soon after the press release was sent out, the King’s Press Secretary returned from a short holiday, saying “Well, the ceremony looked splendid on TV as always. Anything much happen while I was away?”

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com