Long, cold, silent, breezy fart on toilet this morning still a mystery

Science still has no explanation for what happened on the toilet earlier. A breezy fart wafted out, but it is an unfathomable mystery as to why it was surprisingly cold. Anything emanating from the body is supposed to be warm, unless recent consumption of curry has taken place, in which case hot could be a descriptor. And also ringystingy.

But cold? Never cold. Surely? There is strong evidence to suggest one is not dead inside. And all other farts in other circumstances have been in the warm to upper warm range historically. Today is reasonably mild, so it can't be that. One thing is for certain, not a soul is to learn of this because, well, that could be highly embarrassing.

Image: Pixabay/jarmoluk

Boy priest travelling to India thought to be in danger from monkeypox

A boy priest travelling to India to bring back the scriptures to save mankind is being sought by the authorities, who fear he may be in danger of contracting monkeypox. They are also seeking a water monster and a pig spirit thought to be travelling with him.

Symptoms of the disease include a tendency to violence, which only the mythical “headache sutra” can cure, and the ability to cloudfly. Other symptoms include a lack of coordination between speech sounds and mouth movements, a condition experts describe as “very poor dubbing”.

Little is known about the origins of the disease, though some claim it was born from an egg on a mountaintop, produced by a rock which had become magically fertile. Experts describe that as complete nonsense, but still more convincing than the idea that Covid 19 came from Wuhan’s exotic meat market and not the virology lab in the same city.

Horse riders to carry poo-bags when on public roads

"It all started when I went to our local B&M", said Clayton resident James Bingley-Bongley.

"Why someone had their horse stood ten feet from the door rather than the carpark is a mystery in itself", he continued. "Then I thought 'I have to pick up after our Buster drops one, why isn't it the same for horses'".

He then started a petition and has upwards of ten signatures so far. Antipodean entrepreneur, Bertie Bollsock, has picked up on the idea and intends marketing them as Equine Ordure Bags if legislation goes through.

Image: Pixabay/manfredrichter