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Best of NewsBiscuit: May 2025



May 2025


Back in May 2025. the Reform Party won 677 council seats out of around 1,600 up for grabs. Sound familiar? And a Chinese player beat the British player in the World Snooker final. Déjà vu?

And Council Tax went up by 5% and inflation went up. Is 2026 just 2025 on repeat? And the Bank of England cut interest rates. OK. Maybe not.


In the UK, the government announced 1,400 early prisoner releases so that we could punish more recent crimes, and Keir Starmer made one of his famous U-turns, this time on winter fuel payments. The government was under pressure on the two child benefit cap, but artfully delayed any action until November. And Britain signed a deal to hand over the Chagos Islands to Mauritius. That went well.


In international news, Europe (and a few Americans) celebrated the 80th Anniversary of VE Day. And the UK agreed a ‘transformational’ trade deal with India – remember that? We’ve all certainly noticed the difference.


Here is a selection of our favourite NewsBiscuit stories from May 2025. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


Politics


Lifestyle


Entertainment


Other news


And some headlines


Politics

Trump claims crowds still booing Biden

Boris Johnson strongly supports Farage's plan to lift two-child benefit cap

Assisted Dying bill slipping away

Trump blasts corrupt Eurovision as US fails to win yet again

Two-child benefit cap to be scrapped, but third child to be taxed from six months

Digging gets underway to find Tories latest poll rating


Business and the economy

Bistro closes because all its servers are down

Deal to bring back MFI stores falls apart

Four in 10 universities face financial challenges - that's over 75%

Man puts tanning salon plans on the back burner

Struggling blinds company told - 'pay up or it's curtains'

New reservoir plans don't hold water


Other nonsense

Games teacher mistakenly celebrates the 80th Anniversary of P.E. Day

Police concerned over early prisoner release of former colleagues

Undercover officer still in bed

"Call The Midwife" film announcement premature, says BBC

Generous chimney seller tells customer: "It's on the house."

Mexican Navy ship crashes while captain looking for Gulf of Mexico on US map

Posh lady distraught after catching a common cold

Kid who swallowed magnets left in A&E on the fridge door



Image credit: deep dream generator

Horoscopes for May, by the wise old woman of the woods


Aries


Comet Cajetan-P45 features prominently on your chart. The comet is low in the heavens, signifying financial challenges ahead. These may be related to your job, your savings, your addiction to slot machines, a police matter, tariff changes, your overdraft, bailiffs, maintenance payments, unexpected bills or a tax demand. Or all of these at once.


Taurus


The mysteries of life all have a perfectly simple explanation so tell the truth to yourself. You know how the stain got on the duvet.


Gemini


A fairly unique set of circumstances will permit you to cancel your Netflix account without a series of cajoling / begging / threatening phone calls, emails and text messages.


Emboldened by your success, you will try a similar process on an old phone contract taken out by you in your daughter's name. You may be pushing your luck there.


Cancer


You will bring tears of laughter to friends and family this month. Maybe cutting your own hair after a bottle and a half of wine wasn't such a great idea. Still, it'll grow back.


Leo


The good news is that you are finally getting the recommended amounts of probiotics, probiotics and fibre in your diet. The bad news is that you should aim at all times to be very close to a toilet.


Virgo


Your predictions this month are 110% true. We can guarantee this as we have been through the due process agreed by the Combined College of Sages, Mystics and Seers. And your predictions were also recommended to you by all your senior advisors, although some of them have since recanted. And we should say that some sections of the press are not convinced either. Anyway, the main predictions are that you will experience dissent, challenges and aggravation at work from friends and foes alike. And you're going to get wiped out in the May elections. Sorry about that, Keir


Libra


In the near future, Oboes will be become an incredibly important part of your life. Prepare now. Ignore the cornet, no matter how tempting, it's just a distraction.


Scorpio


As the Sun enters Scorpio, your love life will begin a distinctly fallow period. Yes, word got around after you were spotted exiting the STD clinic.


Sagittarius


Just because it feels right doesn't mean it is right : and in this case, it is so, so wrong you risk prosecution and worse.


Stop it, stop it right now or I'll pass your details on to the Police and/or local vigilante groups. Disgusting


Capricorn


You will experience a life-changing moment when you meet a tall, dark strangler. No, that's not a spelling mistake. Sorry about that!


Aquarius


A lot of money will  be heading your way this month. Unfortunately, it will be inside an armoured van. I suggest not checking messages on your phone whilst out walking this month.


Pisces


You've been rumbled, your cover is blown. Grab the emergency bag and head for the ferry port. Bon chance.



Contributors



Deskpilot: Aries, Leo, Virgo


Flasharry: Gemini, Pisces,Sagittarius


lockjaw: Aquarius Cancer, Capricorn,


Simonjjames: Libra, Taurus,


Sydalg: Scorpio

Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month April 2026




Jeremynh has had another stormer of a month, followed by the ever reliable Deskpilot. In third place with a comendable score is scottfutile, a relative newcomer to this site, Tbanks to everyone who pitched this month, regardless of whether you were successful or not.


As usual all the published subs with links are listed below the leaderboard, then the cartoon of the month, then the full list of headlines published this month.





Front Page, News in Brief and Features


apepper




bartleby



bbi




Danny Soz



Deskpilot









Dominic_mcg



eppursimuove









Gerontius






ian searle



James_Doc



jeremynh




















Lockjaw



lucienne



Midfield Diamond



Modelmaker



Newsbiscuit Editorial Team





rogt




Scottfutile











Sir Lupus





stewartbarclay



Sully



Throngsman







Walter Eagle





Wrenfoe










Published cartoons this month came from Lockjaw, Modelmaker and sdferris5


Cartoon of the month goes to sdferris5 with Ukraine talks snagged on a matter of protocol


Headlines


benvoleo      

     

“It’s not a miracle, I’m a doctor”, says Jesus


bigbadbob    

     

Number 10 dismisses claims of being dismissive


Deskpilot     

      

Ceasefire not worth the paper it isn't written on

Hollywood studios drafted in to sex up Hormuz blockade

Larry the cat to leave Downing Street after vetting row

Mandelson prime suspect in new leak inquiry

Meghan tells Bondi shooting survivors 'we're victims too'.

NASA defunded as no moon features named after Trump

National Grid suffers internet pile on

Poorly performing hairdresser fails to make the cut

Starmer to reinstate Sir Olly Robbins so that he can sack him again, properly

Student loan interest capped at 'still too high'

Trump says UK has no claims over Scotland

Trump sends out for more TACOs

Trump: pilots who get shot down are total losers

Washington chef regrets serving bang bang chicken

World champion campanologist may have used a ringer


dominic_mcg    


Marmalade producers in a jam

Met to investigate after Kenyan national chased through streets of London


gerontius       

    

Car companies to offer £700 compensation or a free overnight battery top up


granger 


Ceasefire doesn't include journalists, confirms Satanyahu.

Trump's truce won't slow genocide plans, confirms Satanyahu

Viktor becomes Loser


hokeyloki     

      

Starmer considers assassination attempt to boost polls


ian searle       

   

BBC grateful The Met have nothing on Carol Kirkwood

Martin Clunes prepares for next high profile celebrity role

ian Storm Dave: Met Office issues a Trigger Warning

Waiting times for urinals slashed

Artemis capsule to splash down in Strait of Hormuz

Families stay up late to watch first war crime on TV

LGBT lions celebrate Gay Pride month

Whack job president calls gunman a whack job


lucienne      

      

Bullets refuse to engage with Donald Trump

King and Queen to welcome Charles and Camilla to US


mcdabble 

         

Abbott: Mandelson had to resign five times before, no, 300 times, no, 14 times

Boots on the ground still up in the air

Brent Crude to be offered in 2026 limited edition mini-barrels

experiment: How hard are Greenland Inuit, on a scale of Venezuela to Iran?

Government under pressure to subsidise helium balloons

Kanye Just Not?

Man in pub has AI model too powerful to release to general public

'Marmalade' is a codeword for 'Democracy', says Reform

NASA concerned that Artemis astronauts may not want to come back

Starmer asks, "Did I pass security checks?"

To a gangster every treaty looks like a protection racket

Trump offers to sell Falklands to Argentina

US Navy Secretary Jumps Ship


mick turate      

 

Trump crucified for Jesus video

Arthur Daley passes Reform UK vetting checks

Jeffrey Epstein noted by his absence from White House State Dinner

MPs divided on under 16s; but agree US President should not use social media

Pupils sent home for failing to wear official school stab vests


rogerg  


Gap between reality and delusion named the Gulf of Trump


rogerg  


Keir Starmer never told he was Prime Minister

USA visit, King Charles told 'don't miss'


rowly   


Argies plan to refloat the Belgrano

BBC launches new series: 'No Minister'

J D Vance 'I have in my hand a piece of paper ...... it's a return ticket'

'Net Zero' policy is full of holes


sinnick 


All of the Grand National horses claim 'I am Maximus'


steveb  


Pope posts fake images of America being led well

Trump invades Vatican City


stewartbarclay  


Trump: 'Open the Straits of Hormuz or I'll thkweam and thkweam until I'm thick'


sully    

 

Most Brits 'ambivalent' about sale of Marmite to US company

US pilot rescue based on 'old woman who swallowed a fly'


sydalg  


Charles to Trump: "What say we just make it a phone call instead?"

Don Quixote arrested after 'Just Stop Wind' vandalism

First image of Trump spotted on toast by faithful


Titus     


Calls to rehab Hitler after learning he was bipolar

FA denies that football is caused by brain injury

Lack of public toilets - public won't take it sitting down, and won't stand for it

Malign influencers to be renamed effluencers

Migrants threatened with prosecution for not being homosexual

Putin loses Hungarian election

Russian navy to impose tolls on ships wishing to pass through English channel

Starmer maintains 'startled rabbit in headlights' image

These are not just shoplifters - these are M&S shoplifters


tonymc 


I will put 350m a week into NHS like Johnson did


tonymc 


Farage : Ban hate speech and we would have no party

FBI advise Charles to tape his ears down

GB News: immigrants caused Eamonn Holmes's stroke

If Andrew is jailed , will his prison get a Royal warrant ?

Liz Truss believes Trump is Jesus

Rabbi silent on Israeli murderers speaks out on arson attack

The King: 'Mama is looking down on her peasants ... as do we

Trump claims Papal election was stolen

Trump insists Iran must welcome Jesus into their Heart

Trump shooting brought back milkshake horror, says Farage

Trump wants more stuff named after him than Elizabeth II

UK Farmers warn any old excuse will push up food prices

UK recognises Mexico's right to Texas

Vatican to release new price list for Sainthood


Walter Eagle    

 

Trump's lawyers checking if Melania's speech was start of divorce proceedings




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