Elon Musk experiences record 18 second burst of contentment on becoming world's first trillionaire
- skylarking
- Jun 13
- 1 min read
Former billionaire empathy-void Elon Musk set a new 'personal best', registering a full 18 seconds of contentment, and inner fulfilment. The new record was set moments after SpaceX was floated on the international stock markets, raising $1.77 trillion and making Musk the world's first trillionaire.
"It was a strange feeling, though not entirely without precedent," explained the tragically unfulfilled troll/tycoon hybrid. "My central nervous system was flooded by a delicious burst of endorphins. For that all-too-brief moment I felt my brain chemistry rewarding me for my tireless years of monomaniacal graft and exploitation of underling, before draining away, leaving me with a crashing sense of futility and dissatisfaction."
Prior to this, the monger of comically unstable launch vessels says his longest bout of contentment had been 12 seconds. The former record was reached when Mr Musk learned that his scheduled disassembling of the US overseas aid programme Americaid had been partly responsible for the rapid spread of Ebola in south-eastern DRC.
Mr Musk is currently contemplating the next move, in his endless doomspiraling quest for self-acceptance: "I have my personal nutritionists working on a recipe for Trillionaire's Shortbread. No you can't have any; only I can ever taste such sweet sweet nectar, woahahahaahaaaahaaa!! I'm sorry, what was I saying?"
