- cliveoseman
- 4 hours ago
Prime Minister (at the time of writing) Keir Starmer has hit back at critics who say the ban on under 16s using social media is unworkable. Stating that critics have no idea how easy it is for government to monitor online activity of citizens, he laid out the punishments being considered for children who break the new law.
First offenders will be fined two packets of Panini stickers and a vape, with repeat offenders having their houses raided, all computers and phones confiscated, and being declared terrorists.
"I give this pledge to the Labour Party and the electorate about what I am resolved to do," said Prime Ministerial hopeful and T-shirt model Andy Burnham. "I will be fearless in saying everything in my power to become leader and make Britain happy.
"I will state, forthrightly and in no uncertain terms, that it's time to defy Labour's bleeding heart, left-wing backbenchers, slash welfare spending and boost Britain's defences.
"I will also be utterly resolute in saying that we must devote all our resources to nationalising utilities and fighting the great curse of social inequality.
"It all depends on whether I am speaking boldly and honestly to The Daily Telegraph or The Guardian.
"So saying, Burnham went back to canvassing in Makerfield, handing out copies of either Socialist Worker and Soldier of Fortune magazine to passers-by, depending on what type of voter they seemed to be.