Jars of turmeric are feeling the pressure from people who read adverts in magazines uncritically to sort out their dodgy back, stop them going bald, help them see better in the dark and restore their libido to that of a teenager. A jar of turmeric sighed, ‘We can make things yellow and taste a bit spicy but we’ve got no proof we can do all the other stuff and it’s embarrassing us. We don’t want to waste people’s money. There is no good evidence that we have these health benefits. We’d love to...

The pop wars are hotting up again! But move over colas, there’s a tropical fruity battle happening on supermarket shelves. With Lilt officially changing its name to Fanta pineapple & grapefruit on the stroke of midnight on the fifteenth of February, like a bottled Cinderella with bubbles, shoppers have now noticed it contains grapefruit and some have said “urrgh!”. Grapefruit can be reminiscent of fad diets, being squirted in the eye, nibbling half a cherry which looks a bit like a nipple due...

Inexpensive battery powered clocks all across the land are being startled this morning by being hastily pulled down from their usual...