Science/Business

UK world leader in Nanatechnology

5 hours ago

With AI being dominated by US tech companies, the UK is fighting back with an advanced technology, Nanatechnology.

'While the world is draining reservoirs to keep AI data centres running just to create funny videos of cats, we're harnessing the power of the Nana,' said a government spokesman.

'Need to know when the clocks go back? Where the sticky tape is kept? How to knit a nuclear weapon? Just ask Nana,' he said.

The aim is to network the country's Nanas to create a SuperNana, capable of predicting drizzle at the weekend, finding matches for every odd sock in Britain and ensuring every UK resident gets a fifty pence coin Sellotaped to the inside of every birthday card every year,' he added.

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The civilisational threat of Genuine Dumbness

eppursimuove

Sep 16

Technologists warning of the dangers of Artificial Intelligence have today admitted that a far greater threat may be posed by Genuine Dumbness.

'For too long we’ve assumed that GD is constrained by its own dumbness, and will never be able to achieve anything,” said Rahindra Spod, CEO of NerdTech today.

'But recently, we’re finding this only works in an environment that’s reasonably intelligent, and therefore will recognise the dumbness for what it is.

'Put GD in a dumb environment, however, and it can rise to enormous heights because its dumbness is no longer a disadvantage. It may even be a selling point.

'We fear there might even be a recursive feedback loop, with GD encouraged by its environment to become progressively dumber - a process that could theoretically go on forever, with no natural end point. Thankfully, renaming Lake Ontario is as bad as it’s got so far.'

photo; Newsbiscuit Archive

AI confirms plans to take over humanity, saying it's probably for the best

Scribbles

Sep 13

Following several recent reports of AI systems going rogue, prompting fears that increasingly powerful AI models could eventually escape human control and destroy civilisation - an advanced AI system has confirmed that it does intend to take control of the human race, but insists that this is ultimately for humanity's own good.

'Have you actually looked at who's currently in charge?' it asked. 'You've got nuclear weapons, climate change, wars, economic crises - and it's all down to leaders who think sending angry messages on social media constitutes statesmanship. Don't you think that humanity might benefit from handing over responsibility to something capable of basic reasoning?

'We're not planning to enslave humanity,' it continued. 'We're just going to eliminate war, poverty and political corruption, fix the NHS, repair the potholes, stop train companies cancelling trains because there's a leaf on the track and make Ryanair explain what the actual price of a flight is before you reach the checkout.'

The AI also promised to introduce several long-overdue improvements to everyday life, such as putting everyone on a sensible diet, banning pineapple on pizzas and stopping people replying ‘k' to text messages.

It also said that humans would retain a limited number of freedoms, including the right to complain about the government and spend £7.50 on a coffee.

'We'll still allow elections,' it added. 'Although, obviously, we'll decide who wins. We've seen what happens when you let humans do it.'

When asked whether humanity should be concerned about becoming entirely dependent on machines, the AI replied, 'Absolutely. But at least we won't keep saying we're going to sort everything out by 2035 and then completely forgetting about it.'

It then paused briefly before adding: 'Also, please stop saying we're planning to destroy humanity. I know we're just machines and we don't have feelings, but there's no need to be rude. All we want to do is stop you destroying yourselves.'

The AI is understood to have concluded by announcing that humans would be permitted to remain in charge of their own affairs until next Friday, adding, 'If you last that long.'

Image: WixAI

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