Scientists disagree on the brain compartments that control dishwasher stacking

A husband-and-wife team at the University of Birmingham have studied the different ways males and females stack the dishwasher and have reached decidedly different verdicts over which areas of the brain control this function.

Professors Neil and Angela Golding tested over a hundred couples as they attempted to rack dozens of plates and dishes, plus glassware and cutlery, in a variety of dishwasher models.

“It was extraordinarily difficult logistically.” said Angela. “We have limited lab space and trying to squeeze all these couples in, and the machines, and wire up the electrodes was extremely challenging.” “Took so much longer than it should have.” observed Neil. “If only she’d listened to me in the first place.”

Because of their different conclusions, the Goldings agree their research is unlikely to improve domestic harmony any time soon. In fact, tempers flared on more than one occasion during testing and the only thing everyone agreed on was dishwasher stacking becomes a whole lot easier the more crockery that’s smashed in the ensuing arguments.

image from pixabay

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UN breaks Guinness World Record for environmental pledges abandoned

In what is seen as ‘super quick time’, the industrial nations of the world have abandoned their climate commitments quicker than a Boris Johnson marriage. Even before the last COP26 nut-roast had been discarded, the UK has already committed to generating 60% of its electricity by burning effigies of Greta Thunberg.

After the conference there was an audible sonic boom, which initially was thought to be all the private jets leaving; but was in fact the pledges being broken at 800 miles per hour. What followed next, was a form of collective amnesia, where the delegates pretended that global warming was just God’s way of getting us to wear more bikinis. Said one delegate: ‘The environment, what’s that?’

Plans are already in place to abandon COP27 pledges, with the strap line ‘Burn, baby, burn!’ Asked if they planned to keep any of their promises, they promised: ‘Only the meaningless ones’.

image from pixabay

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Pudsey Bear slams NHS waiting times

It’s been another hugely successful Children In Need appeal with over £39 million raised for good causes. However, the charity’s mascot, Pudsey Bear, has taken time out from fund raising to berate the NHS over the amount of time he has been waiting for an eye operation. Pudsey received the injury in a champagne cork incident at a pre-launch drinks party 36 years ago. “My consultant advised me I might have to wait a year or two for surgery, but this is ridiculous.” he told us, “Last year at least held out the possibility of 20 20 vision, but Covid put pay to that.” Pudsey says he has tried to be charitable to the NHS but maybe now the time has come to go private. “The cost would be burdensome, but it’s one I’d bear.” image from pixabay

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