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Wayne and Colleen climb Snowdon

Writer: robfalconer
robfalconer
21 hours ago

Ex-England footballer Wayne Rooney and his wife, ex-England footballer's wife, Colleen, also a  Rooney, have ascended Wales' highest mountain, Snowdon, not known to Wayne as Yr Wyddfa.


"Yeah, we had a few days off, so we decided to do something different, what everybody does, and that's clog up the roads around Llanberis."


"It was quite a slog, as it's uphill there and back, but we now feel energised enough to handle all the stunts in our new reality show, whatever this one's called."


"But it was a great day out.  The only snag was trying to find somewhere to park the Ferrari at the summit."




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Fury and Joshua to enter the ring on mobility scooters

Writer: Gerontius
Gerontius
2 days ago

Promoters for the long-awaited heavyweight decider between Tyson Fury and Anthony Joshua say the two boxers will enter the ring on mobility scooters. Big fight stalwart Ted Hearnes said a specially prepared ramp with a low-profile threshold bridge will help keep the boxers safe from toppling over as they access the ring from the arena floor.


The new ring-side ropes will be made of eco-friendly multi-filament polypropylene. It is thought traditional ropes made from heavy-duty steel cable core wrapped in thick foam padding could affect the boxers wellbeing, causing a rash, xerosis or pressure ulcers on their aging skin.


The custom built mobility scooters will take into account the boxers enhanced size and their age related mobility issues. They will be fitted with a wider wheelbase compared to that of standard scooters and have an impressive top speed of 4mph. The boxers are aiming to break into the lucrative mobility scooter market and hope their high-profile ring entry will generate a fan base among other elderly sports fans.


It is not unusual for boxers to cash in on their heavyweight fame. In the 1970s Henry Cooper appeared in several TV commercials extolling the virtues of Brut 33 and Frank Bruno was seen splashing dollops of HP Sauce all over his cooked breakfast. Fury has already tested the waters, having set up a company making reusable denture cups aimed at the false-teeth market. He keeps his gum shield in one of his re-usable denture pots during the break between rounds. The pots come in a range of vibrant colours and it is hoped the stylish design will attract a wider audience across the denture wearing public.


There are plans to extend the break between rounds to 5 minutes so that the boxers can have a nap or take a quick toilet break before resuming the contest.


The event was to be broadcast on Netflix late on Saturday night but promoters say the bout would be better placed just after Countdown and before Beat The Chasers on a Thursday afternoon before the nights draw in.




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Man City to go back to being sh*t again

Writer: ChrisF
ChrisF
5 days ago

Man City will be forced to play absolute garbage going forward, the Premier League has confirmed today. 


After being found guilty of 115 financial rules breaches, The Premier League has been considering possible punishments for the club. 


'Financial penalties, expulsion from the Premier League, yes, these were options on the table', said one Premier League insider. 


'But we've decided that City will just be forced to play absolutely rubbish football, like what they did for most of the time before the Abu Dhabi investment years'. 


'It's like a kind of restorative practice thing', continued the insider, 'where the club gets the chance to reflect on how they can make things right.'


'In City's case this will involve Haaland, Cherki, Anderson, Foden, Fernandez and others leaving immediately , to be replaced by a selection of the club's worst ever signings. So, we're delighted to introduce you to City's next starting 11, including Roque Santa Cruz, Laurent Charvet, Jo, Eliaquim Mangala and Vicente Matias Vuoso. '


A consortium of the worst City managers, notably Joe Royle, Phil Neal and Frank Clark will also retake the helm at the club, for a period of at least the next decade. 


'We were also thinking about significant points deductions' noted the Premier League insider. 'But with this line-up, we don't think points will be an issue at all'. 





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