BBC airs 'Dr Who and the Garlics' to win over French haters

'We've taken a lot of flack from the right wing press for apparently being biased towards the left,' said a spokes-Tardis for the BBC.

'So to prove how totally impartial we are, we're putting out a show which serves up some truly loathsome foreign villains for Tories and Reform voters to despise.

'It's a special edition of Dr Who in which the doctor, played by an in-form Nigel Farage, takes on a bunch of shifty, treacherous French humanoid machines called the Garlics who want to subject Britain to European rule again.

'Armed with only a sonic vodka and orange screwdriver and 200 Rothmans, Farage's Doctor Who defeats Macron, the evil Garlic leader, by boring him and everyone else to death with a series of interminable press conferences.

'We've really done the background on this,' said the BBC spokes-Jelly Baby, looking increasingly embarrassed at what he had been made to read out.

'The Farage doctor regenerated from the Enoch Powell doctor. He, in turn, regenerated from Oswald Mosley and Lord Haw Haw.

'And the Farage doctor is a Time Lord, all right, because what he really wants is to take Britain back in time to the 1930s and then lord it over everyone as prime minister.'

Image: WixAI

Oh, NOW the BBC are biased?

With the resignation of the Director General, many viewers have been left asking - why did it take so long? Said one viewer 'If BBC bias didn't exist, how do you explain the coverage of Gaza or - even worse - the laughter track on Mrs. Brown's Boys?'

'If the BBC weren't peddling propaganda how do explain the obsession with Nigel Farage and that Man Utd always feature in Match of the Day?'

Finally the Beeb has been forced to apologise for depicting Trump as a fascist, which he was fully capable of doing all by himself. They let editorial standards change- they just didn't say in which direction. And they promised never to get caught faking the news again, the key word being 'caught'.

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Tories cackle in anticipation as BBC searches for new boss

'Hunting down and culling BBC director-generals is the one blood sport still legal in Britain,' bayed a Tory Party spokes-hound as the rest of his pack slavered and cackled at the fun to come, 'so we're going to make damned sure the next chase is especially gruesome.

'Tim Davie was a tricky one to catch. He was the greased pig of British broadcasting. We thought we'd got him on the Gaza documentary, and then the Bob Vylan chant at Glastonbury, but he slipped our clutch each time.

'The ideal person for us next to pursue and slaughter would be someone who has gained years of editorial and management experience at the very highest levels but who actually hasn't a clue what they are doing, and will blunder into any trap set for them.

'That's why we're pushing for Boris Johnson to get the job.'

Image: Mohamed_hassan - Pixabay