Elon Musk | NewsBiscuit

Musk summonsed on charge of fly-tipping

Aug 6

Weirdo trillionaire, Elon Musk, has been summonsed by the Lunar Magistrates' Court we can report. Specifically in the matter of aggravated fly-tipping a large chunk of space rocket in or around the vicinity of the Moon's Einstein Crater.

An environment spokesman for the Man in the Moon said, 'This guy Musk has been caught bang to rights. Just say the guvnor had been out for a stroll and that pile of scrap metal landed on him. He'd not have been too best pleased I can tell you. We're taking this matter seriously and have not ruled out a custodial sentence.'

Meanwhile, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Musk responded by calling a press briefing where he brandished a chainsaw in a threatening manner, jumped around like a demented halfwit and wore a gormless expression whilst circling a sixty-foot tall balloon with lunar map printed on it.

When Musk's former best pal, Donald Trump, was asked to comment on the incident he said, 'Wow, that schmuck almost makes me look sane.'

https://pixabay.com/photos/moon-lunar-crater-crater-508756/

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Musk gets his London knowledge from watching Slow Horses

Throngsman

Jul 27

Elon Musk believes London is the most dangerous city in the world based on binge watching all available series of Slow Horses.

'People are shot, blown up or beaten to a pulp in every episode,' he told reporters today. 'It's way more scary than Springfield, for example, although I'm concerned about the skin colour,' he said, explaining it wasn't the yellow skin but the brown skin he was referring to.

'Wait until series five airs,' said an Apple TV spokesman. 'The internet is taken over by hackers using Starlink, electric cars are systematically driven into brick walls and rockets explode on the launch pad. Actually the last bit is already true,' he added.

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Trillionaires' Shortbread maker goes into receivership

Sully

Jul 6

It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk.

'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!'

Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single bar and have had to tell their backers that their money has vanished. On the plus side this creates a new market for Recently Impoverished Shortbread which is just a plain biscuit.

No pedants were harmed in the making of this story.

image from Grok

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