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Molecules of oil sucked out of the ground last November, shipped over the Christmas weeks and converted into various grades of petroleum, diesel, aviation fuel, heating oil, tar and various other grades, all stored and paid for several weeks ago have suddenly become very expensive molecules of oil. The fuel in your car petrol tank and your heating oil storage tank, paid for at the pump or via your heating oil supplier won't be hit for additional cost because the industry hasn't worked out how to do that.  Yet.


An oil industry expert pointed out that the war started by the United States and Israel three weeks ago that has tied up twenty percent of oil capacity for the last three weeks is to blame because, well, oil industries that typically make billions of dollars profit a quarter probably won't make all those profits next quarter.  Well, not without raising the prices of oil molecules that have already been drilled, shipped, converted and paid for long before the war.


'There are bonuses at risk here,' pointed out an oil industry executive.  


Prices are not expected to drop until long after the current crisis is over.  Because future bonuses are also at risk.



Image credit: perchance.org



Despite the kettle BBQ being buried under boxes of so-called-sorting-out in the garage, a lack of briquettes and Dave's failure to pick any suitable food for cooking, the first BBQ of the year was declared a success.


'Sure we had to scavenge suitable combustible material from the shed next door - which is always left open, so it won't be missed when my neighbour returns from his Mediterranean break, or deployment as he insists on calling it. And kindling was salvaged by opening the Amazon parcels left outside the house across the road, saving the binmen from having to scatter them randomly on bin day. 


Traditionally the first BBQ of the year are the short-dated 'Whoops' specials bought at Asda last year in the summer sale. But they deputised for the turkey that Dave forgot to order at Christmas, so improvisation was in order.


'Two rashers of bacon found at the bottom of the salad drawer, definitely bought this year, twenty Quorn sausages and a box of cereal - the fake Shredded Wheat from Aldi the kids won't eat - formed the basis of the meal,' he added.


Despite failing to buy coals, briquettes and, indeed, food Dave did remember to pop into the off-licence to buy two crates of Stella, a bottle of Bailey-like Irish cream and a litre of no-name Vodka meaning the afternoon got off to a good start, especially when Dave's wife, Sheila, finally succeeded in siphoning a bottle of unleaded from next door's Mini to help light the barbecue.


The attendance of the Fire Service for the first time this year, and an ambulance visit to address Sheila's reflux from swallowing petrol and second degree burns from lighting the BBQ, and the police stopping by regarding some BS reports about petty vandalism and theft of Amazon parcels made the event feel, well, traditional.


Dave is resuming his campaign to stand as a Reform councillor in May's elections, pending bail.



Image credit: Wix AI


March 2025


Back in March 2025 UK politics was still about ‘tough decisions’, with the government slashing some benefit payments, including personal independence payments (PIPs). It also scrapped NHS England because the Departnent for Health can do all of its work cheaper and better. There was an embarrassing prison escape which turned out to be less of a one-off and more of a regular thing. And three Bulgarians are found guilty of spying for Russia.


In the US, Donald Trump famously invited Voldymyr Zelenskyy to the White House, and was then extremely rude to him, with JD Vance egging him on. Donald’s well thought-through solution to the war was to give Russia large chunks of Ukraine as a down payment, until Putin could come back for the rest of the country. Donald continued to lay claim Greenland, and to moan about Mexico. Avian flu was running riot and Americans were moaning about the price of eggs. Meanwhile, on Netflix, Meghan Markle was just moaning.


In international news, beyond the things and places being messed up by the USA, the Pope was in hospital with pneumonia. Maybe that was America’s fault as well. And the BBC was criticised for serious flaws in a documentary about Gaza, prompting the usual calls for heads on sticks.


Here is a selection of the top NewsBiscuit stories from March 2025. Click through to read the stories and see the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.


UK politics


American news


Other news



Headlines

     

UK politics

Prison admits escaped convict asked for packed lunch

Charles feigns illness to avoid trip to Birmingham

Government restores political interference to the NHS

Boris Johnson marks fifth anniversary of Covid with cheese and wine party

Russian spies in Great Yarmouth? - Norfolk enchants

VE day, 80 years of peace if you don't count Korea, Falklands, Iraq, Afghanistan, Ireland


The world of work

Baker sacked for putting her hair in a bun

Struggling doorbell company asks staff to push harder

Excited dressmaker is frilled to bits

Etch A Sketch company to undergo 'shake up'


US politics and war in Ukraine

US partial ceasefire: Ukraine stops shooting, Russia doesn't

Trump rethinks wall plan as CIA says Mexicans have ladders

Yanks argue whether their chicken or egg shortage came first

Russia keen on 'big piece' deal

Donald Trump has entered the chat... bomb emoji, smiley face emoji

Trump promises Greenlanders their own Reservations and cheap liquor


Other news

Bed-blocker Pope to be discharged from hospital

M1 closed after lorry carrying shedloads of sheds, sheds load of sheds

City of culture now awash with yoghurt

I wasn't expecting the AA man - he gave me a start

Origami disaster - events still unfolding




Image credit: deep dream generator

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