The recent events that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has attended have included a cappella 'boos' from the crowd. In an attempt to connect with the 'ordinary person' the Prime Minister and his spin doctors have decided that the 'boos' are now an integral part of his persona. Consequently he has decided to bring 'trustees' along to all personal appearances and have them 'boo' if no-one else bothers. 'I have a lot of experience of 'bring your own boos' parties, said the Prime Minister today....

While the government has worked hard to reduce the amount of foreigners entering the country by boat, plane and bus replacement service, the real problem is the increase in Oblivions. 'Superficially they look like us, speak like us and are seemingly embedded in our culture,' said a government spokesman today, 'but they hunt in packs, taking non-oblivions down every day,' he added. Oblivions walk around supermarkets, stopping suddenly or turning without notice in front of other shoppers,...

The Metropolitan Police has thrown its collective arms up in despair after searching fruitlessly for weeks for the not-usually-publicity-shy Reform leader.