USA forced into peace deal with algae in Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool
- BillClay
- 7 minutes ago
- 1 min read
After an Apache AH-64 crashed into the Washington Monument whilst strafing the algae with it’s 30mm chain cannon, the USA agreed to a cease fire and reparations to the algae in the Reflecting Pool.
ICE Agents had initially been instructed to detain and then send the menace back to Algeria. After repeated attempts to cuff the algae and beat it with truncheons, ICE had to retreat when agents electrocuted themselves whilst trying to TASER some of the unicellular organisms.
A SWAT team was called in, who then fired indiscriminately into the pool, wounding several of the photosynthetic organisms and a passer-by. The algae remained stoic and unmoved, causing the SWAT to request the National Guard. It was at this point after releasing all 16 Hellfire missiles into the pool the Apache smashed into the Washington Monument and Trump declared victory.
The full terms of the so-called Peace Deal are that the algae will retain control of the pond and be supplied with $300,000,000,000 worth of nitrogen and phosphorus and be guaranteed to sunlight.
Image: sjr4x4 - Pixabay
