Pelosi criticised for ‘inflammatory’ trip to Narnia

Nancy Pelosi has stirred up a geopolitical storm by visiting Deadwater Island, a contested territory off the Narnian mainland whose populace continue to claim independence under the rule of self-appointed King Caspian.

Observers warn of increased retaliatory action by the Mighty Imperial Narnian Lion, with warships including the Dawn Treader patrolling the area, and sightings of weaponised dragons overhead. There are also fears of disruption to international supply chains of Turkish Delight, enchanted rings, and animatronic beavers, the island’s bizarre main exports.

Commenting from the Oval Office War Drobe, President Tumnus said: ‘This is not an officially sanctioned visit by the Daughter of Eve, and talking equine negotiators are aiming to lower tensions in time to restore Christmas. Oh! I’ve dropped all my packages again, silly faun. Please don’t report me to the White Witch- I mean, Mrs Tumnus.’

Image by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

July 4: wording of Declaration of Independence agreed

Boss quibbles over maternity leave, but not your abortion

Pro-choicers in the United States have found an unusual ally, in corporations who normally think the Gender Pay Gap is a clothing chain. Said one cynical CEO: 'Yes, we'll be making a saving on maternity cover but... nope, that's it really. There's probably some ethical thingy as well, but it's really about those margins.

'We're 100% behind a woman's right to choose. As long as they choose long hours, no pensions and low pay.' Asked if they would be increasing their contributions to employee health insurance, the CEO coughed: 'Who are we to deny someone the right to death.'