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Starmer's resignation speech leaked to the press


With the curtain coming down on his premiership, Prime Minister (at the time of writing) Sir Keir Starmer is said to be outraged that his resignation speech has been leaked to the press, as they may necessitate a delay in the resignation as he prepares a replacement.  Downing Street sources meanwhile are disputing the authenticity of the speech. But they would, wouldn't they? The speech in full is reproduced below.


'It has been a great honour to be Prime Minister of this great country of ours, and to steer the Labour party away from anything resembling socialism. I set out to make Tony Blair look like a filthy commie and with my measures regarding disabled people in particular, I think I succeeded. Added to that, as people get stabbed and shot all around us, I have taken measures to classify people holding placards as terrorists, and I’m sure future generations of Israelis will thank me.


Alas, nothing lasts for ever. I inherited a mess and made it worse. Yes, there were circumstances beyond my control, but the lefty critics in the British media will overlook that in their search for a story. People talk about old people dying of the cold in winter, but I believe it’s better than being blown up by left wing Palestinian sympathisers or shouted at by antisemitic protesters.


I’m sure my successor will bend to the Zionist lobby if he knows what’s good for him (I say he, because obviously Labour do not ‘do’ female leaders) so I leave you with this message.


For the sake of my extended family in Israel, please, Bibi, stay strong. Continue the self defence that so many fools label as genocide. The decent people of the United Kingdom stand with you.




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