The Office of Budgetary Responsibility is to be renamed the Office of Hypothetical Spending and will devote 100% of its time to costing up Opposition spending plans.
‘It’s all very well saying how you’re going to improve the nation’, a Government spokesman said ‘but where will the money come from? Hmm? Answer me that if you’re so clever’.
Labour politicians have denied being ‘clever’ – an insult so potent in Westminster that it’s considered unparliamentary language – but point out that improving the nation used to form part of a government’s job description.
Some Tories have pointed out that they might be the Opposition quite soon, so the change could be an own goal, but Rishi Sunak has a Cunning Plan. ‘The new OHS needs an inspirational CEO, somebody who will tirelessly ask Labour where the money is coming from, and that is why I have decided to appoint Fiona Bruce to the role. She can carry on chairing Question Time, we don’t want that awful Victoria Derbyshire taking over’.
First published 17 Oct 2023
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.
If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
 |  |  |  |
Senior Reform figure Zia Yusuf has expressed his horror at discovering that some people currently in Britain are from abroad.
Specifically, he said he was concerned about Sagal Abdi-Wali, the Somali-born candidate he said was being “foisted” on the people of Holborn by Labour.
His tweet ended “Do you understand what’s happening?”, a question he later elaborated on in discussion with party workers.
“Everywhere you look, you see people who aren’t from here,” he lamented. “And hearing them speaking Polish on the train, like comrade Nigel did, isn’t the worst of it. Some of them even have dark skin.”
He went on to say it was just as bad in Sri Lanka, where his parents are from. “Full of Indians - they really get everywhere, don’t they…”
Meanwhile the people of Holborn and St Pancras decided that they wanted Abdi-Wali as their MP, as she’s done such a good job running Camden council for years, rather than joining Reform to act as window-dressing to allow them to pretend they aren’t what they obviously are.
image from pixabay
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here