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As a Precursor to the G7 Summit taking place in Canada this week, the Prime Ministers of the UK and Canada met in Ottowa and struck a historic accord that ensures closer collaboration on the sharing of apologies between the two nations.


"Our profound friendship and similarities are what unite us," said Stanley Cupp, Canadian Minister for Trade. "Canadians have always been distinguishable from Americans in two ways: the fact we'll put maple syrup on literally anything, and that if someone bumps into us we'll apologise rather than try to assert our second amendment rights. By sharing the manufacture of regrets with the UK and removing duties, we're confident that both countries will continue to be able to say sorry whether the mistake is on our part or not."


Both Mark Carney and Sir Keir Starmer are said to be arriving at the event in Alberta laden with freshly-minted atonements and contritions to share with the other delegates. They're confident there's more than enough for everyone due to the likely disparity between the amount they believe Donald Trump needs, and the amount he'll actually take.


image from pixabay




In what is being seen as an increasingly desperate measure to hang on to his job, Number 10 insiders have revealed that the Prime Minister is considering giving every household in the UK a one-off payment of one billion pounds to help combat rising living costs.


The unnamed source said that: "Nothing is off the table in terms of how Machiavellian Boris will be if it means saving his own skin"


And whilst opposition parties and think tanks have questioned the plans, a YouGov poll of 50,000 people has shown that 99.9% of people would be happy for Boris Johnson to remain PM if such a scheme was rolled out.


A spokesman for Keir Starmer told our reporter that Labour would give people two billion pounds.


Author: urbanhermit


image from pixabay


First published 10 June 2022



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