The Vegetarian Police vow to ‘get serious’ in January
- Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
- 19 hours ago
- 1 min read
January, the month of misery, when gyms sell 99.95%* of their subscriptions and otherwise literate people pronounce ‘January’ as ‘Veganuary’. Like that’s a word.
The Vegetarian Police have announced a crackdown on ‘backsliding’.
‘Several offences were reported to our Hotline over the festive season’, a spokesveggie told us. ‘Some minor infractions – not checking which fat the chips were cooked in – some pretty serious stuff – claiming fish ‘don’t count’ – and a number of critical incidents involving turkey.
‘We remind all vegetarians that you can’t grow a fish in a pot on the windowsill – so it isn’t a vegetable. If it’s got eyes, it’s out of bounds’.
The Vegetarian Police don’t have the authority to lock people up – that’s restricted to the Vegans – but they can administer some serious tuttings.
Roll on February.
*The other 0.05% are just weird