There was egg on the faces of Met Office officials today when it accidentally announced that next year “was” the hottest on record. “Obviously this was a mistake,” said Sir Bufton Tufton, Head of Teabags at the agency. “The system’s set up to release this announcement every year, but not until the end of the year. Even saying it on the first day of September is a bit premature, let alone for the following year.” “Then again,” chimed in Sir Tufton Bufton, Head of Cabbage, “It’s not as if...

The notorious El Niño, thought to be responsible for death and destruction all over the world, has finally been apprehended, law enforcement officials confirmed today. However, lawyers for the infamous weather system have protested it’s being unfairly blamed for a whole slew of unrelated events that couldn’t possibly have a single cause. ”I mean, come on - flooding here, drought there, a hurricane somewhere else… how can these all be the fault of my client, when witnesses confirm it was in...

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