In the light of the dearth of driving examiners, Shelley (not her real name) was glad to get any examiner for her recent driving test. She was shocked by the apparent new format. 'I parked up my Fiesta and waited. The examiner first of all demanded that I get in the 'proper way' through the roof. He said he was made very uneasy by the lack of something he called 'proper Chobham' and asked where the HESH rounds were actually kept.'
Shelley continued her recount.' Next, he seemed annoyed that my car was ridiculously roomy and kept asking if the radio was encrypted and where the other people were. We then had to ask two other candidates to get in too, otherwise he said it wasn't really safe to proceed. We all had to address him as Commander but we weren't very confident despite his air of authority.
He was angry at what he called my excessive speed and acceleration. As the test progressed, he seemed to get increasingly bored and frustrated. In the end, he instructed me to leave the road completely to demonstrate my driving 'properly'. He seemed quite pleased with this rather infrastructure-heavy part of the test which included the wall around Sainsbury's as well as a couple of trolleys. We terrorised some Duke of Edinburgh Award students, the Cockerpoo owners' club and our local children's nursery, all of whom ran, more or less successfully, screaming from our path. At one point most of our local Farmers Market seemed to be impaled on the front of the car. They weren't happy. '
But, did she pass her test?' Sadly, after a particularly challenging downward slope into the local quarry, the Fiesta was totalled, 'she mourned. 'The Commander said I had failed. I hadn't used my indicator on one occasion when pulling out.'
Image: Perchance AI
