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Rees-Mogg breaks into oligarch mansion to fit prepayment meter



The Conservative party has suspended the use of court warrants to force entry into yachts and mansions to fit prepayment meters. An undercover investigation by the Times appears to show a group of senior Tory MPs banging on the door of a Mayfair building before a team of locksmiths and accountants force their way inside.


Vladimir Lobamolotov, a single parent oil trader with close ties to the Kremlin, was too frightened to open his door. Once entry had been gained, the accountants connected his bank account to a direct payment meter.


‘I was terrified,’ said Mr Lobamolotov. ‘I said I was having difficulty keeping up my payments to the party, but they had no sympathy. They said if I didn’t pay, I would have no power.’


The Conservative party treasurer said he had absolutely no idea his MPs were breaking into the homes of vulnerable billionaires and has suspended the practice, focusing instead on helping them consolidate their bungs into a more manageable tariff.



image from pixabay



First published 8 Feb 2023


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Internal Combustion Engine references to be phased out of political rhetoric by 2035

Updated: Jun 6, 2025



The use of the phrase “Turbocharging” in relation to policies is wasteful and unnecessary for everyday communication. By 2035, all government petrol and diesel engine political references are to be discontinued, and new electrical vehicle-based ones to be used instead, probably from China.


Instead of saying departments are “Firing on all cylinders”, government representatives will experiment with phrases like “rotating between magnetic fields” and “utilising electromagnetism to the max” so not to appear lame and out of touch.


In speeches, the use of “Supercharged” is only to be used in relation to fast charging electric vehicles, rather than a traditional mechanical compressor system. This will definitely not be confusing and will work out really well.


One of the issues with referencing electric motors is that instead of cool sounding kit like 4.2L V6 engines, they have rather pathetic parts, such as “squirrel cages”. This has not done well in focus groups and will therefore be used as much as possible.


image from pixabay


Lotto winner: I'll fill up the car and turn on the heating




Car loving lotto winner Micheal Trippet, 37 from Stoud, yesterday spoke of his joy at receiving £1.8m in prize money.


"It's amazing, it means my dream can come true. Cars are my passion and now I have enough money to fill the tank."


Mr Trippet owns a 2007 Vauxhall Astra but hasn't been able to drive it since the price of fuel was driven up when Russia's lunatic-in-chief went full Dr Strangelove.


"It's just been sat on the drive for weeks. I'll have to put some air in the tires."


Personal finance expert Derek Hawthorne estimates Mr Trippet will be able to afford three full tanks of the 1.6 litre Astra with his winnings, after tax.


But Mr Tripper's is sharing his winnings with his wife, Janice 35, and she also has spending plans.


"I'm going to put the heating on." She said with an infectious giggle. "I can't believe it. We've been wearing these sleeping bags around the house for a month. My mother says there's no point as we'll all be superheated by nuclear armageddon soon enough, but I just think, sod it, I'm going to treat myself and just splurge on British Gas. Or is it Russian gas?"


Mr and Mrs Trippet are already planning their first drive, to the local supermarket. "It'll be nice to get behind the wheel again. And with a bit of luck we'll have a bit of cash left over to treat ourselves to some food from the Spar, if they've got anything on the shelves we can afford."


Author: Pagdog07



First published 10 Mar 2022



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