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Biblical Guideline for Ministers of Energy and Renewables (Millibrand)

Verily, his name shall be called thrice upon nought upon the fraction bearing fruitful of the beating of the hand upon the firmer flesh. And his wrist will cry out, as an ankle after many leagues of travel.


But in his forthcoming there shall not be substance, but rather the Pestilence that festers forth upon dark shadows in every corner of the land,


The Sun now declineth to set behind him, lest even bearing his shadow to some greater distance would invite The Commons of joint darker forces.

Yet he would sell unto others, both the shining of the Sun and the blowing of the wind as if they were his own and laying them forth before the good people of the land in exchange for their pieces of silver.

Yet, even in his wisdom, he wasteth the chiselings of such silver coin and turn into soil, from the very flesh of the cloven hoof twixt two bountiful layers of the oven borne mana from the grain of the land itself, being also the fruit of the both sun and the wind thereof, and henceforth should even his own tongue and that of his spouse also become thus cloven


PSalms 10;2-7

CC to Shadow (smirk) Minister for Renewables.




New government post - Minister for Whatever was Recently on Telly



The government announced today that it was creating a new ministry, complete with its own building in Whitehall, to deal with any issues recently raised by a hard-hitting TV drama.


“Now I know what you’re going to say - policy-making shouldn’t be dictated by television programmes,” said Toby Shirtsleeves, the first Minister for Whatever was Recently on Telly. “But on the other hand… well, the thing you have to realise… yes, I think we need to come up with a better answer for this before we go public.”


An early plan to site the ministry within Broadcasting House, in the hope they would get wind of programmes while they were still being made rather than waiting for them to be shown, was nixed on the grounds that it’s never the BBC that makes these programmes anyway.


Critics have suggested this reactive approach to policy-making might mean that certain issues, like teenage boys falling prey to toxic online “influencers” or sub-postmasters being wrongly accused of fraud, receive more government attention than, say, the amount of sewage pumped into our rivers and seas by negligent water companies.


“Yes, I think the nation’s screenwriters have really dropped the ball on that one,” agreed Shirtsleeves. “They need to be more proactive - don’t wait for someone to commission you, just write the thing and submit it to everyone you can find. How else will we ever get to the point where the government is pressured into doing the bare minimum to make it look like we’re taking it seriously?”


Some have said this whole approach is symptomatic of a populist government that never looks beyond the next day’s headlines, leading Shirtsleeves to reply “Are you sure? I didn’t see anything about it on telly.”




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