Reform would suspend governing while in government

Not only will they suspend the asylum system, they said any major policy decisions will be deferred pending the findings of a Royal Commission on Whether Anything Really Needs Doing. This will be followed by the launch of a consultation into the feasibility of launching consultations.

It is alleged that Farage is so workshy, his party plans to release all legislation in draft form and then accidentally leave it in draft form for the duration of his time in office. He will outsource governance to a giant office pinboard covered in Post-it notes marked ‘TBC.’ And his party will introduce a Minister for Urgent Matters, then leave the position vacant-while they spend eighteen months designing an appropriate logo.

Upon entering office, he will immediately begin preparing their memoirs entitled My Courageous Struggle Against Excessive Administrative Activity. He promised to ‘hit the ground running,’ then immediately commission a report into safer alternatives to running. He went on to say that difficult decisions are best made by future generations, who will hopefully be less busy.

image from Grok

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Burnham considers creating new cabinet role

Cap Cap Expected for Northerners

With energy bills set to rise for millions in October as Ofgem increases the energy price cap by 4%, the Government is also expected to announce its widely-anticipated cap cap on Northerners.

From 17th October, there will be a limit for people in the north to own no more than two caps - one to wear during the day and one to wear at night in bed - in the hope that people in the south do not get caught out like last year, when a dearth of hats caused excessive banging of teaspoons against saucers in Royal Tunbridge Wells and the near-cancellation of the Royal Ascot Ladies Day.

Mr Tom Bowler, Minister for Headwear and Protective Coverings, is expected to encourage Northerners to donate any caps that they no longer require to those less fortunate in the south so that they, too, can stay warm in the winter.

'This is a good way that we can protect the environment and use less fossil fuels,' Mr Bowler said, 'so not only are we all able to help the Earth, but we're also saving money, too, by not turning on the heating.  So I urge everyone int' north to donate any unused caps, hats and headwear to us southern jessies, so that we can all be safe and warm this winter.'

image from Google Gemini

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