Prime minister Boris Johnson has used his Christmas message to say that Jesus would have wanted people to get their booster shots, get a party donor to pay for their homes to be refurbished, hold illegal parties, lie about those parties and create a religious rift in Northern Ireland.
"Christmas is all about forgiveness and giving and not asking awkward questions.", explained Mr Johnson, "In particular, I'm sure Jesus would have wanted people to give me a, er, forty-second chance, some gold wallpaper and a truckload of toys for my, several, offspring."
