Nigel Farage has demanded that terror organisations give him some notice before major atrocities so he can arrange to be near a camera. The Pound Shop Messiah has had a difficult few months, with an unexplained £900k house and an only-too-well-explained 10 year sentence for his top man in Wales. ‘We can’t have nosy journalists asking Nigel about his colleague working for Russia or a potentially dodgy house deal’, a spokesman explained. ‘So he’s been staying away lately. We’re down to...

It’s that time of the year again, when Britain’s men recapture their untamed spirit through the application of aromatic placebos. Barry...

Passengers on the West Coast line between London and Glasgow have been treated by psychologists after being subjected to an ‘endless barrage of trivia’ from train manager Darren Jones, 32. Their ordeal started when Mr Jones was innocently handed a microphone. NewsBiscuit sent a reporter on the service, but he had to be stretchered off at Oxenholme Lake District station after self-harming. Here is some of the disturbing content he recorded: ‘. . . sandwiches, hot drinks and assorted...