I have decided to stand back from using certain titles, so henceforth I and the press won't be using 'Randy Andy' anymore. 'His former Royal Highness Randy Andy' is included. I am also ditching my remaining Royal patronages including Pizza Express. My Royal endorsement for Sure deodorant will remain as a necessity as I have, thankfully,learned how to sweat again. I will renounce my attendance at Christmas lunch with the King and will be tucking in at the Hungry Horse in Windsor this year, as...

President Donald Trump has said that his promise to sell Ukraine thousands of Tomahawk missiles is withdrawn because when he asked President Putin, Putin just tapped a file marked 'Epstein' and shook his head.  So Ukraine aren't going to get the weapons that could potentially force a ceasefire, withdrawal and sudden fall for Putin from a high Kremlin window.  Instead a range of weaponry has been given the green light by Putin to allow the war to continue until everyone is killed, bored or...

Channel 4 has announced a new gameshow where members of the public choose a shower cubicle that contains a shower unit modelled on one of the thousands of shower variants used in British hotels, disrobes, enters the cubicle and works out how to start the shower and set the temperature while being filmed by upwards of twenty cameras. 'British hotel shower controls are notoriously difficult to operate and extremely variable in terms of the way they work - is it a push, pull or twist, if the...