In a bold move today, Keir Starmer will announce age checks on social media to protect older voters from radicalisation. ‘Social media is a hellhole’, a spokesman told us. ‘Flags, memes, outright lies – old people aren’t properly prepared. They tend to believe any rubbish if it’s in print. Twitter is like the Daily Mail on steroids’. Over 60s will need permission from their children or two medical professionals to own a smartphone. The Government will issue Nokia 8850s from official...

The fashion world has been rocked to its core by revelations that clothing exists to keep us warm and cover our nakedness. ‘No, you’ve got that wrong’ said Stella (23), never been gainfully employed yet somehow expensively dressed. ‘Life is fashion. Fashion is life. What could be clearer?’ NewsBiscuit spoke to several fashionably dressed people in central London. They were all bloody annoying. All agreed that fashion is an art form, on a par with poetry or music. Or that other one. Pablo (not...

The ghost of author John Mortimer, best known for his Rumpole of the Bailey novels, is to sue Reform from beyond the grave over their selection of Robert ‘Rob’ Kenyon in Makerfield. ‘Woo, woo’, said Mortimer’s ghost, ‘It’s a straight rip-off of ‘Rumpole and the Bubble Reputation’, woo’. (Sir John Mortimer has been a ghost since 2009, you’d have thought he’d be better at haunting, but there you go). NewsBiscuit has read Rumpole and the Bubble Reputation and we can confirm similarities. In the...