For decades, a German accent was the hallmark of a Hollywood villain. More recently posh British has been the go-to elocution for criminal masterminds, with incompetently delivered ‘Middle Eastern’ accents for terrorists. Now there’s a new accent in town. Dumb-as-shit American, slightly muffled through a mask. ‘In many ways they’re a throwback to Westerns’, a film expert told us. That’s a job, apparently. ‘The dark clothing, face partially concealed – what’s missing is a good guy in a white...

Following the gunning-down of Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse, in Minneapolis ICE has expressed ‘deep regret’ that he was ‘only’ a nurse. ‘Obviously we want to kill really nice people’, a spokesman said. ‘If we just kill criminals or, I dunno, blacks, it won’t have the same shock value. We really want to see some paediatric oncologists protesting, or maybe a Catholic nun? A nun might do it’. In the hierarchy of ‘audience members stand-up comedians are most wary of’, paediatric oncologists are...

Conservative Party chairman and all-round good guy Nadhim Zahawi has spoken about his embarrassment over the ‘schoolboy errors’ which led...