Tiddles the cat has died and many media outlets have shown an extraordinary fascination in the story, halting coverage of almost everything else. Tara Taylor, who owned the former feline, sniffed sadly 'I loved little Tiddles. He was getting on a bit, but I didn't think his death would warrant blanket national news coverage for several days. The Sun did say it had a dossier on Tiddles' life, but they never produced it.' 'It's almost as though huge sections of the press are deliberately...

Keir Starmer's grip on power has proved more slippery than a Peter Mandelson background check. Starmer has the look of a man with his own dark grey Mancunian rain cloud permanently drizzling on him - and with good reason. Scientists now believe that if Sir Keir was accidentally exposed to direct sunlight, he would melt faster than his own waxwork. However, a recent spell of hot weather has helped Starmer out, as the Armies of the North find UV intolerable. The sun is the natural enemy of...

BoJo has made approximately 148 new policy announcements, one of each of the Tory MPs who think he's unfit for office. An early draft of the so-called 'benefits-to-bricks' scheme would have seen benefit claimants paid directly in bricks and then invited to build their own house. Labour spokeswoman Jodie Johnstone said 'House prices are spiralling upwards and the Tories have made sure that benefits are spiralling downwards. You'd need to be in an Escher painting to make that work.' Tory intern...