It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk. 'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!' Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single...

Britain has an eerie, deserted feel as people increasingly stay home to scroll through social media for the latest catastrophe to befall the Conservative Party. Sales of popcorn are at an all-time high, leaving cinemas depleted of their favourite snack. 'I felt a bit ghoulish waiting for news of that submarine’, said one former Conservative voter, ‘but it's nothing compared to what's happening to the Tories. Maybe they’ll get lucky and it’ll be a sudden catastrophic death, eh?’ The bookies...

Disney's bonkbuster adaptation of Jilly Cooper's Rivals has been praised by Relate, The Women's Institute and the West Midlands Sexual Health Service for its lifelike portrayal of relationships. 'I hadn't realised that if a man is smoking a cigar while demonic choir music swells around him he's probably a wrong 'un', one counsellor told us. 'Wish I'd known that before my first marriage'. 'So you're not supposed to shag your best mate's daughter?' asked one bemused viewer. 'News to me'. The...