NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

About NewsBiscuit

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NewsBiscuit was launched by John O’Farrell in September 2006 with the noble aims of eradicating global poverty, creating a lasting peace in the Middle East and providing a daily dose of humour to bored people at work. And in many respects we have already achieved so much more.

In the eight years since its launch, NewsBiscuit has frequently set the news agenda by breaking some of the biggest national and international stories of recent times. NewsBiscuit readers were the first to learn of George Bush’s struggle to explain an eight-year gap on his CV and to get the lowdown on the coalition government’s plans for Nick Clegg to play with a toy steering wheel during Prime Minister’s Questions, and none will forget where they were when they heard that the Pools panel had declared the War on Terror an ‘Away Win’. We have also covered all the major social and human interest stories of the last four years, beating the mainstream media to such landmark scoops as Muslim veils to feature wearer’s picture, RyanAir to charge for emotional baggage, and Grandparent commends offspring’s superior parenting skills. And for those of you too busy to bother with words and reading, NewsBiscuit is proud to bring you the best blatantly-doctored photos to be seen anywhere since Stalin was a lad, provided by our in-house picture manipulator-in-chief, Red. (Why not ensure you never miss a story or picture again by signing up for our daily email?)

But although John O’Farrell has been able to call on the support of seasoned comedy professionals Mark Burton and Pete Sinclair, NewsBiscuit still needs a limitless supply of free labour to oil the satirical cogs. And so, under the pretence of providing an outlet on the web for aspiring comedy writers, NewsBiscuit encourages outside contributors to submit stories and one-liners to its Writers’ Room, a form of wiki comedy writing that draws on the best principles of both David Cameron’s Big Society and outsourcing to Far East sweatshops.

The result is that practically all the material on the site is now written by outside contributors, leaving the editors with plenty of time each day to spend on other pastimes such as earning a living. Indeed some of NewsBiscuit’s contributors – thanks to talent, hard work and a willingness to perform sexual favours – have even gone on to receive credits on ratings-topping BBC TV and radio shows, and many more featured in the acclaimed NewsBiscuit book ‘Isle of Wight to Get Ceefax’, which is available to purchase by clicking here. The book makes an ideal gift for anyone you can’t think of a better present for, and is perfect for concealing from other train passengers that you are actually reading a Dan Brown novel

So if you are looking for an opportunity to spend less time with your loved ones, or just want another way to waste your time in the office, then why not try writing for NewsBiscuit? Just register with the site, visit the Writers’ Room and start sharing your funnies. Anything we like we’ll use, and you retain copyright of anything that you submit (even if it is published on our front page), meaning you can re-use your jokes on your sell-out nationwide stand-up tour, or just down the pub with your mates, without fear that our lawyers will show up, serve you with a writ, and spill your pint. To find out more check out our Guidelines For Contributors, but even if you’d rather leave the comedy to trained professionals and politicians, why not wander into the Chat Room where you can discuss all things comedic with like-minded individuals, or simply ask confused passersby if they know what it was you came in there for.

Finally, if you are a hedge-fund manager or Lord Ashcroft and want to bankroll NewsBiscuit, or simply a kind-hearted person with a soft spot for topical silliness, then you can support NewsBiscuit in a variety of ways, including just spreading the word to your friends. Have a look here for some ideas, or if you have more questions about the site, please click here for our FAQs. And if anyone does have any tips on eradicating poverty or ending ethnic conflict, we’d be delighted to hear those too – to be honest, we’re not doing so well on that.

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