A minister explained: ‘Brexit will be sorted on a rapid timetable of animal flight, hens developing teeth or when hell freezes over - whichever comes sooner. The PM is committed to a tight schedule ranging from mid-2017, to sometime in the future when mankind leaves its mortal flesh behind and ascends into inter-galactic consciousness. Let me assure you, like a French military expedition, we are committed to a hasty withdrawal. And the PM has appointed her swiftness negotiator - Boris Johnson astride glacier.’
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