Oblivion crisis deepens
While the government has worked hard to reduce the amount of foreigners entering the country by boat, plane and bus replacement service, the real problem is the increase in Oblivions. 'Superficially they look like us, speak like us and are seemingly embedded in our culture,' said a government spokesman today, 'but they hunt in packs, taking non-oblivions down every day,' he added. Oblivions walk around supermarkets, stopping suddenly or turning without notice in front of othe
Starmer: I'll bore all Britain's problems to death
'I urge Labour not to replace me as leader with anyone like Burnham or Streeting until they seriously compare their abilities to solve Britain's problems with my own,' droned Sir Keir. 'I have an amazing talent," he continued to mumble, nasally. "I can sit opposite a hardened teetotaller and talk to them and within two minutes they're wondering whether 10 am is an OK time to start drinking. 'Within ten minutes, they are well and truly comatose. 'That's how I have been able to
