Classic News:

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Miserly London merchant welcomes Christmas shortages if they foretell of a shorter Christmas

is reported that Mr Ebenezer Scrooge, merchant of this Parish, has let it be known that Christmas this year will be much reduced in both...

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The News before it happens

Caption Competition

Caption Competition Saturday 30th October

You can either reply to this post or reply to our Twitter/Facebook pages. The closing date for the competition will be Friday night or...

Youngest hackers in Britain take control of the Nuclear Deterrent

Winner: camz Runners Up: 'Mikey and Jayne celebrate after successfully auctioning off their younger siblings on the dark web'...

Ryanair launches its first business-class toilets

Winner: jimskinz Runners Up: 'Turner prize winner really takes the piss' (apepper), "Wetherspoons toilets are Covid-free," says Tim...

News in Brief

Queen to replace Windsor Castle with a Pyramid in preparation for imminent demise

Oshaughnessy

Queen to replace Windsor Castle with a Pyramid in preparation for imminent demise

Windsor and Maidenhead council have given the royal household planning permission to demolish the old energy-inefficient castle and...

modelmaker

TV stations announce new approach to cookery programmes

Amid news that supermarkets have been filling gaps on their shelves with pictures and cardboard replicas of produce, television companies...

Terrorist organisation not claiming responsibility for any of its attacks on the UK

SteveB

Terrorist organisation not claiming responsibility for any of its attacks on the UK

An unnamed terrorist group has been operating within the UK for some time, conducting a series of heinous and despicable attacks on the...

Features

Breaking News

'Five Go Dobbing In The Neighbours' - now available to buy

NewsBiscuit

'Five Go Dobbing In The Neighbours' - now available to buy

The eBook edition of the latest NewsBiscuit anthology – Five Go Dobbing In the Neighbours – is being released in eBook format 1st...

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Cartoons

The winner and still the undefeated champ!

From the Archive

Radio 4 dumping toxic smugness into nation’s rivers

The middle classes of Britain have today gone into shock after revelations that their favourite radio station, BBC Radio 4, has been...

Britain ecstatic as man no one has heard of comes 3rd sliding down a hill on a tray at PyeongChang

Some bloke you've never heard of has warmed the cockles of the nation's heart by coming third in the Downhill Tray-sliding event at the...

Hansom Cab Drivers Association celebrates ban on motorised taxis

The Hansom Cab Drivers Association is today celebrating the news that Transport for London has decided not to renew the licence to...

Politics

Last of the "Downing Street Image Touslers" retires

The last of the "Downing Street Image Touslers", Janice Edwards, is to step down next week. Janice led a six-strong image management team...

Capitalising on Sir David Amess' death to be privatised

Figures show that by 2024, 80% of all shameless ghouls will have cashed in on the MPs murder. This includes ministers forcing through...

Africa disguises itself as South America, to avoid Matt Hancock

The world's second-largest and second-most populous continent, has decided it is easier to adopt a fake Mexican accent and poncho...

Lifestyle

Miserly London merchant welcomes Christmas shortages if they foretell of a shorter Christmas

is reported that Mr Ebenezer Scrooge, merchant of this Parish, has let it be known that Christmas this year will be much reduced in both...

Tesco to launch three for the price of two refuse collections

As councils throughout the land struggle to cope with their duty to provide refuse collection services now that the majority of their...

Man campaigning for 'green leave' because he got a new house plant

Pressure is mounting on companies to offer employees' green leave' when they acquire a new house plant. William Smith has led the...

Science/Business

Budget: Rishi Sunak to pledge £30bn for suffering bankers say sources

I It's understood that in this week's Budget, the Chancellor of the Exchequer aims to level up the earning power of the financial sector...

Could £1.795m life-saving drug have used cheaper packaging?

Questions are being asked why Novartis Gene Therapies is charging the NHS so much to save a child’s life; was it the redundant child...

Picard slams Kirk's latest "mission" as "little more than a publicity stunt"

Starfleet's Jean-Luc Picard has slammed former colleague, James T Kirk's flight into space today, as "nothing more than a tawdry...

Classic News:

You can follow NewsBiscuit on Twitter and Facebook. Come and join our writing team.

Miserly London merchant welcomes Christmas shortages if they foretell of a shorter Christmas

Caption Competition Saturday 30th October

Youngest hackers in Britain take control of the Nuclear Deterrent

Ryanair launches its first business-class toilets

Queen to replace Windsor Castle with a Pyramid in preparation for imminent demise

TV stations announce new approach to cookery programmes

Terrorist organisation not claiming responsibility for any of its attacks on the UK

Sewage workers call for better treatment

Brown flags to be used on beaches to indicate levels of human waste in sea

PM denies existence of Plan K: "Plank" just Javid's nickname

Channel 4 "So sorry for loss of subtitles. We just don't have the words."

Antivaxer motorist won't allow his children booster seats

Sting operation catches Michael Gove lurking in night clubs 'vaccinating' young women

Retirement age raised to 95 to pay for Boris Johnson's Downing Street expenses

Congress to hold Steve Bannon in contempt - join the club

'Five Go Dobbing In The Neighbours' - now available to buy

Radio 4 dumping toxic smugness into nation’s rivers

Britain ecstatic as man no one has heard of comes 3rd sliding down a hill on a tray at PyeongChang

Hansom Cab Drivers Association celebrates ban on motorised taxis

Last of the "Downing Street Image Touslers" retires

Capitalising on Sir David Amess' death to be privatised

Africa disguises itself as South America, to avoid Matt Hancock

Miserly London merchant welcomes Christmas shortages if they foretell of a shorter Christmas

Tesco to launch three for the price of two refuse collections

Man campaigning for 'green leave' because he got a new house plant

Budget: Rishi Sunak to pledge £30bn for suffering bankers say sources

Could £1.795m life-saving drug have used cheaper packaging?

Picard slams Kirk's latest "mission" as "little more than a publicity stunt"