Reform to review all asylum claims since 1066
Should they win the next election anyone over 5.6ft or 35 years will be deported. Specifically the recent influx of Normans and their inability to integrate without shooting people in the eye. A spokeswoman said: 'The true English should be riddled with smallpox and live in a pigsty, with none of this newfangled clean water. And the average Brit is a peasant called Ethelbert.' Weeding out the pseudo-French may prove hard, given that Reform's leader is called Farage. However,
Massive operation launched to rescue White House ballroom
More details have emerged of the huge mission undertaken to save President Trump's White House ballroom after the project was shot down. On the President's orders, thousands of lawyers were deployed across the country, issuing hundreds of writs to bring the ballroom back to life. 'We really flooded the zone with these legal eagles," one General Counsel told the press. "They've been hand picked by the our president for being maximum-strength grasping and unscrupulous, like him
