BBC praised for dragging alleged historical sex offences into 21st century
A BBC spokes-apologist said 'Like unnecessarily harrowing public information films, historic sex offences used to take place in the 1970s. However time has passed and you are old. Bands that were played unironically on Radio 1 are now being played unironically on Radio 2. Similarly, DJs that were sex criminals working at Radio 1 have now become sex criminals working at Radio 2. You may not like it, but like S Club 7, historical sex crimes can now have taken place in the 2000s
New bin rules to include crude oil
Food waste collections are set to require all households to produce 2000 gallons of oil, per fortnight. The ongoing war in the Middle East has cut the global supply by 5%, meaning British households will need to make up the shortfall by recycling salad dressing and ghee. The basic ratio each home must generate is 100,000 bacon butties a week, just to keep up. The bin itself will be the size of three moderately sized tankers and will be part of your normal collection cycle-pro
