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Writer's pictureSteveb

Police return £8 million worth of chips stolen by seagulls


Chips with a street value of £8 million have been seized by police in a swoop called Operation Batter.



'Seagulls are the scourge of our coastal towns,' confirmed Officer Bernard Hicks of Brighton Constabulary. 'We are urging victims of seaside snack theft to come forward and identify their stolen chips.



'This is our number one policing priority. It is organised crime as they work in gangs which we in the service refer to as flocking cheeky theft. We have identified the ringleader who we believe is called One-Eyed Pete. We know he is the ringleader because he still has an old plastic four-pack ring holder tangled around his neck.



'We again issue a plea to members of the public not to be distracted by these birds flying in formation or posing for photos while another descends and steals their dinner, but unfortunately people are very gullible.



'In due course, we will be moving on to target gulls which have made off with high value pickled onions and ice lollies.



'I am perfectly placed to lead this operation as I am Chief Inspector. When you say CI out loud, it sounds like Sea Eye.'


Hat-tip Sir Lupus

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