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Arlene Foster ‘window shopping for expensive new handbag.’
‘DUP leader Arlene Foster has announced that she senses it will soon be time for her to ‘treat herself’ to a new, [read...]
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Meaningful vote three to be renamed Jennifer
Rumours are emanating from Downing Street that in response to the Speaker’s ruling on MV3, [read...]
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Film classification now to include pretentiousness rating
For the first time, the British Board of Film Classification will be required to assess and label the level of pretentiousness of any film before it can be shown in cinemas. [read...]
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PM seeks Nickelback’s advice on making same old shite appear different
Prime Minister Theresa May has taken advice from Canadian Rock outfit Nickelback on how to make something that is essentially the same as it’s predecessor appear to be different. May is hoping that she can learn some lessons from the band’s 20 year strategy of releasing exactly the same song, [read...]
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Man on first date inexplicably asks for wine list
A Man on a first date asked for the wine list from the waiter for some reason beyond any human comprehension.
26-year-old Geoff Robinson said, “the restaurant had tablecloths and I’d borrowed my dad’s sailing club blazer, [read...]
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Celeb ruins branded product by actually having something to do with making it
In a disastrous misunderstanding of how airhead celebrity culture works, a minor Kardashian has insisted on being in some way involved in creating a product marketed with her name on it. “I just thought it would be, [read...]
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Elderly man on park bench actually an MI6 agent
79-year-old Reginald Pike, a well-liked old man who sits on the same park bench every day and carries a bag of bread for the ducks, is actually an MI6 agent with eighty-four confirmed kills. [read...]
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20 days later and hopes are fading fast of finding The Independent Group alive
‘The Independent Group – A nation remembers’
Yes, you do, of course you do. You know. There was, er, thingummy. And, umm, whatsizname. [read...]