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New colour invented for Portillo trousers
A brand-new colour never before experienced by human retinas has been invented for Michel Portillo’s trousers. [read...]
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Chaos as Brits rush out to stockpile electricity
Reports that the UK is on the verge of nation-wide blackouts due to unplanned energy supply shortages have fuelled stampedes all over the country as panicked Brits rush to stockpile electricity. [read...]
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Millions meant for Covid Marshals wasted on large Bat-Signal
Reports suggest that local councils have squandered cash for policing Coronavirus on a huge bat signal, [read...]
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Keir Starmer warns of safety issues aboard the Titanic
There is a growing perception that ‘Sir Keith’ is wise after the event but relatively clueless during it; which is not helped by the fact that he has spent the last few months of a global pandemic, [read...]
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Star crossed lovers fear it will end in tiers
In a modern day take on Romeo and Juliet, star crossed lovers Gemima and Gary have found them separated not by decades of bitter family rivalries like the Capulet and Montagues but by artificially imposed divisions that mean their relationship is bound to end in tiers. [read...]
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Stonehenge to be dismantled after planning permission irregularities
The future of world famous heritage site Stonehenge could be in doubt tonight after it was discovered that it was erected without the correct planning permission. [read...]
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Academics accept that ‘110%’ now means ‘almost all’ of something
At a recent specially convened international conference, leading mathematicians, statisticians, linguists, dictionary publishers and professional footballers have agreed that in todays modern, fast-moving progressive world it is no longer acceptable to try to cling on to old-fashioned and outdated ideas of what words mean. [read...]
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National Fiasco Memorial built in the wrong place
MP’s on both sides of the house were shocked to find that following this mornings unveiling ceremony, the impressive memorial to ministerial incompetence has been built in the wrong place. Instead of just outside Parliament in Victoria Tower Gardens it’s been erected in an industrial estate in East London. [read...]