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NHS ‘could go bankrupt’ as patients threaten car parking strike
‘This response to being screwed mercilessly for decades is totally disproportionate’ said the health minister. [read...]
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Stair tripping office worker saves dignity by breaking into run
Quick thinking by office worker Roger Bannister – when he tripped ascending his work staircase – [read...]
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‘Panda Cull Almost Complete’ says Agriculture Minister
‘We are delighted to be able to announce that the project has been a great success’ [read...]
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Mumsnet fury over nuclear testing
Online parent forums were aflame with criticism that Kim Jong-un was asking North Korea to sit a thermo-nuclear test far too early, without proper preparation for key stage 2 and with disregard for the ensuing diplomatic fallout. [read...]
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Norfolk man wins dishwasher-Buckaroo! championship
A man from Scole is the new dishwasher-Buckaroo champion, beating last year’s winner by 5 forks, a full size washing-up bowl and chopping board – jammed the fuck in diagonally. Rob Flynn began the session normally with a couple of well aligned mugs, [read...]
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Tories welcome return to secondary moderns
It was a system of compulsory metalwork, grim lavatories, underage pregnancy (despite domestic science for girls) and victimisation of RE teachers, in which a majority of children learned to smoke, fight boredom and each other, [read...]
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Criminals launch professional networking site ‘ClinkedIn’
Entrepreneurs have today launched ClinkedIn, a new service for the modern criminal looking to make professional connections and advance their career. ‘Our mission is simple: to connect the world’s criminals to make them more productive and successful,’ said founder and CEO, [read...]
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Department of Health in turmoil as Laboratoire Garnier staff take strike action
In a blow to the fight against visible signs of ageing, researchers at Laboratoire Garnier announced a series of one day strikes. The news comes after talks between the Government and the slightly vacant looking boffins broke down for a fourth time this morning. [read...]