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Discount supermarket opened by discount celebrity
There was disappointment for the 46 shoppers who waited in a steady breeze yesterday morning for the grand opening of the new Lidl at Newport, [read...]
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Big Ben maintenance energises town crier revivalists
London’s town criers have announced their intention to ‘step into the breech’, as one Bellman told us: ‘Oyez, [read...]
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World cries out for the tragic assassination of Trump
All over the world, people have been speculating about the ending to the amazing tale of the reality star who became president. [read...]
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Donald Trump sacks imaginary friend
Donald Trump was looking increasingly isolated today as news emerged that he has sacked his imaginary best friend, also called ‘Donald’ who had previously been thought to be the closest person to the embattled president. [read...]
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Builder speaks out after ‘wolf-whistle gone wrong’
Bristol bricky, Dave Soames, has spoken for the first time today about the dangers of catcalling women who walk past building sites. [read...]
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‘Bollocks?’ to replace ‘How are you?’
Tiresome and insincere nicety ‘How are you?’ is to be replaced with the much more concise enquiry ‘Bollocks?’ it has emerged. [read...]
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Amnesty International demand immediate release of Theresa May
A leading human rights organisation has condemned the Tory party for the on-going ‘torture’ of the Prime-Minister and insisted that she be released without charge as a matter of absolute urgency. [read...]
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North Korean Newsreader defects to Fox News
Ri Chun-Hee, the enthusiastic official mouthpiece for North Korean news broadcasts has defected to Fox news, where she will bring her considerable powers of blind patriotic jingoism to bear for her new Dear Leader, The Great Orange Saviour. [read...]