The Who’s comeback concert marred by violence in stadium
Ageing British rockers The Who played a thrilling comeback concert in front of a packed house at Miami’s Sun Life Stadium on Sunday, but what should have been a peaceful performance by some harmless old men was marred by extreme violence before and after the event.
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Lord Lucan claims nanny killing covered by parliamentary privilege
In a shock reappearance at the Houses of Parliament the 7th Earl of Lucan told a packed press conference, ‘I have absolutely nothing to hide. I murdered that nanny in good faith.’
England rugby team combat kiwi Haka with morris dance
The England Rugby team is to meet the All Blacks traditional haka challenge with a terrifying display of Morris Dancing.
After decades of Maori style Haka intimidation from the All Blacks, Johnson wanted an English response.
Woman warns against clicking ‘I accept’ button on marriage website
Debbie Sanders, 26, of Chatham, warned today against the dangers of a new web-based marriage service. ‘My boyfriend Jason had suggested trying it out, so I went online during my lunch break to see what was involved. I’d always hankered after a church wedding actually, or perhaps the Maldives, and picking the bridesmaids’ dresses and things, but nothing ventured…
‘When I clicked on the link, it said, ‘Do you want to run the Marriage Wizard?’ I had to click ‘Yes’ to continue, and then on the next screen, without thinking, I clicked on ‘I accept’. Well, no one ever reads the licence agreement, do they. The next thing I knew, it said the Wizard had completed the marriage and would I like to register for updates.’
Rock Dad in hiding after failing to play Stairway to Heaven in guitar shop
Finance manager Derek Sanders of Bromsgrove is in hiding following a humiliating visit to a guitar shop with his son Matt, 17. Derek said in a telephone interview that he’d only been trying to encourage his son to do something constructive. ‘In my day we didn’t have laptops and Xboxes,’ he said. ‘If we didn’t want to watch rubbish like On the Buses we had to make our own entertainment.’
Everything goes in ‘Everything Must Go’ sale
History was made in Exeter High Street yesterday morning, when Avis Bentley purchased the final item of stock in Edinburgh Woollen Mill’s ‘Mega Everything Must Go Sale’.
This is thought to be the first time that everything has actually been sold in such a sale and is being acclaimed as a sign of economic recovery with Mrs Bentley, 68, becoming something of a retail heroine.
Nigella denies affair with a lemon risotto
Food writer Nigella Lawson has denied reports she had a ‘steamy’ affair with a lemon risotto. The allegations are made in the News of the World, which claims to have photographs, transcripts and recipes to back up the claim. Lawson has become renowned for her flirtatious manner of cooking, with tabloid journalists dubbing her the ‘queen of food porn’.
‘I have never been inappropriately intimate with any of the dishes I have worked with,’ she said. ‘Sure, I like to have fun in the kitchen as much as the next girl, but I keep things strictly professional. The risotto in question was moist, rich and dripping with flavour, but I kept it covered from the moment it came out of the oven.’
Lawson then slowly ran her tongue around her bottom lip and added, ‘It’s the only way to keep its… juices… intact.’
Fitness fanatic’s New Year pledge to slob out ends in run binge
A Solihull fitness fanatic’s annual resolution to become an overweight slob ended in failure again yesterday with a five-mile run before dawn.
Dean Hammond, 29, fell back into his old ways with a fast-paced run and a free weights session before a breakfast of grains, berries, natural yoghurt, fresh juice and spring water.
‘I can’t believe it happened again,’ said Dean, ‘I suppose it just comes down to a lack of will power. I’d love to be normal and watch hours of crap TV while pigging out on junk food and cheap lager like my mates, but I can’t seem to stick to the routine.’
Footballers rush to beat WAG transfer deadline
There was a day of frenzied activity in the Barclays Premiership yesterday as footballers rushed to beat the 6.00pm cut off for transferring girlfriends, wives and mistresses. Tottenham central defender Karl Nyarko has snapped up much-sought-after glamour model Haylee Ashby from Sunderland striker Phil Letch for an undisclosed fee; Lapdancer Debbie Francis has moved from Portsmouth defender Chris Bevan to Aston Villa midfielder Kelvin Legg for £250,000 from a tabloid newspaper. Highly rated hairdresser Laura Blakely has joined Arsenal’s Croatian midfielder Ivano Vokker on a six month loan after previous trials with players from Everton, Fulham and Scunthorpe.
Gilbert ‘increasingly influenced by the artistic style of Rolf Harris’
Two elderly ‘neighbours from hell’, Malcolm and Maureen Rowbotham, have today been issued with the country’s first Overly Social Behaviour Order (OSBO) by Kingston Magistrate’s Court. This effectively bans the couple, 72 and 68, from acknowledging the existence of their neighbours in the Norbiton area.