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Prince Charles criticised for carrying large knife during Queen’s speech
A knife-crime victim support charity has condemned Prince Charles behaviour after the future monarch was seen brandishing a large ceremonial sword during the Queen’s televised speech to the nation. [read...]
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Priti Patel to meet Piers Morgan in ‘Face You’d Most Love to Slap’ final
Since 1996 and his iconic appearance on Have I Got News For You, shiny-faced tosser Piers Morgan has been the nation’s prime candidate for the Two Minute Hate. [read...]
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A Dog’s best friend is his sandwich maker
Stats show that 95% of dog owner’s admit to having never eaten a sandwich uninterrupted. [read...]
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Tunnel for Brexit negotiations revealed to be Large Hadron Collider
Boris Johnson, Michel Barnier and others will spend the next few days holed up in CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, in an attempt to quicken up the pace of negotiations, it has been revealed. [read...]
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SNP formally back decriminalising haggis
The Scottish National Party have declared an end to the prohibition of offal or meat products that look like Boris Johnson. Once the legislation is passed, ordinary Scottish citizens will be allowed to inject haggis, [read...]
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Boris to give generous tax incentives to the rich
News that Boris Johnson is to announce tax breaks for Britain’s richest people has been welcomed by hundreds of thousands of grasping greedy bastards all across the country. One self-serving super-rich smarm bucket said: ‘I certainly welcome this initiative warmly because in my view one can never have too much money at one’s disposal.’ [read...]
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New super group announced
Westminster was rocked again today with the news that three senior Tory ex ministers are proposing to start their own group. Amber Rudd, Philip Hammond and David Gauke announced that they felt restricted by their old careers and now wanted to branch out and explore their own material and get back to their roots. [read...]
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Ellen photographed watching lacrosse with Bin Laden
Publicists for Ellen DeGeneres have been forced to defend historical images of her enjoying water-polo with Pol Pot, table-tennis with Hitler and ice-curling with Fred and Rosemary West. This comes after a photo emerged of her, [read...]