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Voyager 2 to Voyager 1 ‘Man, just keep going, it’s shit back there’
As the Voyager 2 probe became only the second man-made object to leave the solar system for the dark, [read...]
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Brexiteers unlikely to give a rat’s arse about the European Court of Justice
Remainers may be dancing in the streets and decorating their homes with EU-approved bunting; yet the news that the UK can unilaterally cancel Brexit, [read...]
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2019 season of The Trumps in doubt after laptop theft
Broadcaster HBO is offering a $500,000 reward for the safe return of a stolen laptop containing scripts for the 2019 season of popular comedy soap /reality drama, [read...]
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Divorce Proceedings stall after Local solicitor refuses to disclose full extent of advice
Fred Cummins is facing the most difficult week of his very public divorce this week. Two years ago, Fred took the unusual step to announce his intention to finish his marriage by means of a public vote instead of using the courts. [read...]
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Rees-Mogg to bring ‘a touch of Christmas cheer’ to soup kitchens
The Right Honourable Member of Parliament for The Dark Ages, Jacob Rees-Mogg, who has been rather quiet since his recent ill-conceived and failed efforts to topple Theresa May, is back again in the limelight to promote a Christmas pop-up dining opportunity in an attempt to give soup kitchens a more seasonal feel. [read...]
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Nightclub doorman admits to having top-knot
Jamie Collins – a 34 year old father of three – told Gateshead Magistrate Court that he usually wears his hair long when at work but on the night in question had forgotten all about it. [read...]
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Elf on the Shelf f$cked your cat
What started as a cute Christmas tradition documenting the nocturnal shenanigans of a festive Imp, has now spiralled into debauchery, missing underwear and one decapitated garden gnome. To make matters worse, the elf has now been caught in flagrante delicto – balls-deep in ‘Missy’ the cat. [read...]
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Temporary Brexit truce to be celebrated with football match on Christmas Day
There is to be a one day ceasefire in the ongoing Brexit war on 25th December, to allow for a festive game of football between Brexiteers and Remainians. Both sides are expected to climb out of their deeply entrenched positions, [read...]