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Smaller family means smaller private jets, fewer limousines says Prince Harry
Prince Harry says concerns about climate change and the planets dwindling resources has led to his and Meghan’s decision to have a smaller family. [read...]
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Woman pretending to like podcasts lives in fear of being asked about them
Liz Morris, a Marketing Manager from Doncaster, is currently living in fear of people discovering that she is neither hip, [read...]
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Muddle as Jeremy Corbyn takes job as caretaker
Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, has reluctantly confirmed that he will not be able to continue day-to-day running of his party after he accidentally accepted a job of caretaker at the Twilight Home for Confused Gentlefolk, [read...]
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Sir Elton to go ‘carb neutral’ in effort to save planet
Sir Elton John says he and husband David Furnish are planning to go ‘carb neutral’ in an effort to save the planet. The chubby singer/songwriter said that from now on, every time he eats a pie he will offset the carb footprint by planting a stick of celery or munching on a carrot stick. [read...]
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Pensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller
A leaked memo has revealed that the Government is considering raising the state pension age to ‘one day after your heart stops working’. At 75, this pension will be past the life expectancy of parts of the UK and only obtainable if you are a White Walker or Dr. [read...]
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Talks scheduled with Postman Pat as Trump sets sights on Greendale
Following his recent failed bid to buy Greenland from Denmark, it is understood Donald Trump has now set his sights on Postman Pat’s home village of Greendale. Speaking at The White House Mr Trump said: ‘OK so we didn’t succeed with The Danes but I need to save face and buy somewhere so I’ve had… [read...]
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‘Can we stop playing now? It’s not fun any more.’ whinges Corbyn
After four long years as head of his party, beleaguered Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has finally had enough of being piggy in the middle to Conservative oiks, who only throw the key to Number 10 to each other, [read...]
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Jo Swinson demands ‘more comfortable’ diamond shoes
Having spent three years insisting on a referendum and no Hard Brexit, now that she has been offered them, the Lib Dem leader has decided that this gift-wrapped present needs to come with a crystal bathtub, [read...]