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Sex robot gives birth to a Henry the Hoover
Doctors at the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel have announced that a robot designed for sexual purposes has given birth to a baby Henry The Hoover. [read...]
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Brexit delay ‘due to porn negotiations’
A crack team of British trade negotiators has admitted that the reason why so few post-Brexit trade deals have been completed is that the team has been swamped by negotiations with international adult content providers. [read...]
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Man in middle of row has ‘no right to either armrest’
Mike Davies, the man in seat 35E on a 12-hour flight from a London to Hong Kong, [read...]
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Concerns grow over McDonald’s sponsoring Notre Dame restoration
A leaked document has caused concern that the apparently generous offer of money by McDonald’s to help rebuild Paris’s Notre Dame cathedral, recently damaged in a fire, may come with some conditions that critics say are ‘about as palatable as a Filet-o-Fish’. [read...]
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Woman who was sh*gged into the middle of next week sues for return of lost days
Hayley Connor, a 24-year-old marketing manager from Bromsgrove, has announced plans to take to court a casual acquaintance with whom she had sex one Friday evening in March. She alleges that Ryan Fleetwood, 26, literally sh*gged her into the middle of next week, [read...]
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BBC renews Not Going Out for 31 more series
The BBC has recommissioned family sitcom Not Going Out for 31 new series. The show, currently in its tenth series, follows the hilarious antics of cheeky, sharp-witted Lee, originally an unemployed layabout lodger who has since married his landlady to become a downtrodden father of three. [read...]
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British Army to recruit more ex-IS teenage girls
Following the startling rise through the IS ranks by Shamina Begum, senior officers in charge of training at Sandhurst have decided to widen the pool from which they draw recruits for officer training. Speaking at the Royal Military Academy, [read...]
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Brexit Party and UKIP to fight it out in pub car park
Crusher has brought a broken-off snooker cue that he’s planning to smash over Degsy’s head before they are even past the wheelie-bins.’ [read...]