Unwanted bath oil completes century of being won in raffle
A bright green bottle of herbal bath oil has been won for the hundredth time after being donated as a raffle prize an average of five times a year for each of the past 20 years. [read...]
Livingstone calls for nation state for persecuted politicians
‘Too often radical thinkers such as myself are left with no choice but to hide in lofts or wander the diaspora, [read...]
Apple plans organic phone
Faced with a slowdown in sales and resulting decline in its previously boundless profits, Apple is believed to be secretly planning a new version of its hugely successful iPhone. [read...]
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Ken keeps digging
Merrily sprinkling conversations with reference to Nazis and rape, Mr. Livingstone has once more confirmed himself as the nation’s edgier after-dinner-speaker and children’s entertainer. Speaking to the press, the ex-Mayor confirmed his commitment to embarrassing comments and holes of his own making. [read...]
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Tramp turned millionaire ‘owes it all to Boris’
A tramp who turned his life around to become a successful businessman has revealed that he owes Boris Johnson a massive debt of gratitude. Dave Parnell, 59, added that if it were not for the generosity of the leading Brexit campaigner he would still be out begging on the streets of Oxford. [read...]
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Donald Trump to ‘put America first’ by banning number two
Donald Trump has revealed his plan to ‘put America First’ – by outlawing the number two. The leading Republican Presidential candidate said that he would ban two by an executive order on his first day on the White House because the number is a ‘big loser’. [read...]
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Zac Goldsmith changes his name to Votey McVoteface
The Conservative candidate for Mayor of London formerly known as Zac Goldsmith has confirmed he wishes to be called Votey McVoteface with immediate effect. However, he has strongly denied this change has anything to do with gaining extra supporters among the all-important 18-24 internet meme-following demographic. [read...]
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Rugby League still a thing, apparently
Several thousand channel-flickers have reported their shock at learning that Rugby League is still being played in remote regions of Britain. The sport, a primitive version of many now highly popular ball games across the world, [read...]