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Hologram of Winston Churchill to cheer Britain up, says Boris
The government has announced that, by using the same hologram technology whereby Elvis was able to appear ‘live’ [read...]
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Elderly Germans enthusiastic about checking papers of train passengers
Finding its efforts to combat the Coronavirus undermined by people using crowded trains for non-essential journeys, [read...]
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Hermits ban mass gatherings of more than one
The head of the country’s influential National Association of Hermits has announced sweeping new measures aimed at tackling the spread of Covid-19. [read...]
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TV crime suspect tricked again into saying something other than ‘no comment’
A suspect in a TV crime drama has once again capitulated from his initial stance of responding to every question with a smarmy ‘no comment’ and has admitted to a range of offences under mild questioning, [read...]
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Introverts quite enjoying this
While most of Britain is profoundly depressed about not being able to go to the pub, see friends or attend sporting events, one group is finding the coronavirus lockdown rather refreshing. The nation’s introverts say that enforced isolation with only their own company is a blessed relief, [read...]
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White van man faces kebab epiphany
Eight pints down the Bastard Arms, a large kebab from the Yuhariq Alkafir Grill, a piss in the church doorway, a puke on the kiddies swings in the park, and nearly-consensual sex with the wife. [read...]
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Met Office accused of ‘insensitive timing’ over recent good weather
The Met Office has been strongly criticised for its scheduling of the glorious spring weather that the country has been experiencing of late. After months of atrocious conditions – including several consecutive storms that led to weeks of severe flooding – [read...]
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Man with fake NHS ID requisitioned by local hospital
James Carrick, 35, from Islington, has spoken of his ‘terrifying ordeal’ after his plan to access priority shopping with a fake NHS ID backfired. ‘It’s not worth it guys,’ he said.
‘Sure, I got two days of easy access to pasta and loo rolls. [read...]