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Gym advertises for fat bloke to talk bollocks in the sauna
An Edinburgh gym and spa club is looking to recruit an over-opinionated morbidly obese man to talk complete shit in the sauna, [read...]
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Bob Dylan charged with historic crimes against music
News has emerged today legendary singer-songwriter Bob Dylan has been charged with historical crimes against music and is to face a Santa Barbara Grand Jury in November to answer the indictment. [read...]
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Nero: Rome fire not as bad as news reports claimed – Fact
A new translation of the Emperor Nero’s diary has revealed his suspicion about reporting of the great fire which took place while he was fiddling. [read...]
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Sting freed from six-way sexual entanglement with nest of squirrels
A highly-specialised medical team in Wisconsin has successfully freed Sting and a group of randy squirrels from a potentially dangerous love-clinch. Surgeon Brad Thompson explained, ‘After three weeks of round-the-clock fornication the squirrels’ bushy tails and Sting’s nether regions had become quite matted and formed a Gordian knot.’ So named after The Police frontman’s unusual… [read...]
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Man who faked death to cancel gym membership to be sentenced today
A penitent Lee Ormsby, 41, of Chingford expressed remorse in court and says he now accepts that “gym membership is for life and only God has the power to stop those direct debit payments of £120 a month plus locker fees”. [read...]
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Joseph & Mary disappointed by baby gender test
A young couple from Galilee are said to be upset by a Non-Invasive Prenatal Test (NIPT) conducted by the Holy Ghost. While they would have preferred to keep their child’s gender a surprise; they claim they were pressured into begatting with ethereal spirits, [read...]
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Jacob Rees-Mogg to be next Dr Who villain
In an inspired piece of casting, the next super-villain to threaten Earth will be The Jacob, a time-travelling eccentric with plans to rear a super-race of Latin-speaking clones in top hats. ‘We’re working on his powers’, [read...]
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Government to build wind factories to power wind farms
As hundreds of turbines stand motionless on the British landscape, the Department of Energy has defended its decision to build giant wind-producing plants nearby to make them energy-efficient. [read...]