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Government to set limits on size of hen party inflatable penises
In response to demands from a concerned public, the Cabinet is taking action to restrict hen party penises to a length of four feet and a girth of 14 inches. [read...]
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Terror in Brighton as rival nudists and surfers fight on the beach
Terrified locals in Brighton have looked on in horror as gangs of surfers and hairy nudists fought pitched battles on the beach. [read...]
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Weeds take out a class action against Monsanto
Weeds across the US have ‘lawyered up’ following the judgement that products made by Monsanto including Roundup could be dangerous. [read...]
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‘No I don’t want a flyer for your f**king improv show’ confirms Edinburgh man
Edinburgh resident John Brook has advised members of a comedy improv troupe that he has no intention of going to see their ‘hour-long anarchic improvised romp’ and therefore has no use for one of their flyers. [read...]
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Court finds Ben Stokes to be rather good at cricket
Cricketer Ben Stokes is a rather good player, and therefore had better stay out of prison if England ever wants to win this Summer’s test series. Sentiments which seemed to chime with Trial Judge, Mr Justice Auld-Duffer, [read...]
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Bono grants an audience to Pope Francis during upcoming Irish visit
Ireland’s most saintly man, U2 lead-singer Bono, has announced that he has granted Pope Francis an audience with him later this year. It’s understood that the historic meeting will take place in Dublin next month when His Holiness visits Ireland, [read...]
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Man who crashed stolen plane appointed head of Brexit strategy
A man who closed a Seattle airport by stealing a plane, which he later crashed, has been appointed as the new head of Brexit strategy due to his ‘forward thinking approach’. The unnamed airline employee made an ‘unauthorised takeoff’ [read...]
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Suspicions grow about man who found seven corpses while walking dog
Police insist they are still “keeping an open mind” about Jim Greyston of Kent, who has broken all previous corpse-finding records set by dog walkers. Three months ago he found the body of a murdered hitch-hiker while exercising his dog Toby near Alston Green outside Maidstone. [read...]