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Rapturous fishermen sell up and move into lucrative nativity trails business
The UK’s proud fishing industry has today expressed universal thanks to Fisheries Minister, Victoria Prentis, [read...]
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‘Fact-shaming’ to be criminalised
Fact-shaming – the act of embarrassing people by telling the truth or providing evidence that they are lying – is to be made illegal under new legislation. [read...]
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Seafood happy to be rotting in Grangemouth than digested in a European stomach
As the bureaucratic red tape relating to the UK’s exit from the European Single Market settles down, [read...]
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Pressure on NHS intensifies as tests show new ‘Boris Jab’ 100% effective
The already acute pressure on the NHS looks set to intensify, after early test results on a vaccine with the ability to blot out Boris Johnson’s shambolic, vacillating and rambling pronouncements has shown to be 100% effective. [read...]
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Woman not buying ‘Grammarly’ no matter how many times its advert pops up
Aanya Laghari (36) is resolutely fighting against the collapse of civilization and chirpy reminders that her life would be transformed if only she could spell better. The invasive nature of adverts for ‘Grammarly’ means that Aanya is now spending 27% of her day frantically clicking skip advert, [read...]
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Takeaway lattes count as ‘substantial meal’, confirm panicked ministers
In their desperation to crack down on law-abiding people trying to stay within current vague and shifting guidelines, burbling government ministers with the same grasp on logic as a toothless snake on a lubed firecracker have confirmed that takeaway hot drinks count as a substantial meal, [read...]
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‘Tiny Hands’ Trump welcomed back to MySpace
With the current leader of the free world indefinitely banned from the social media platform Twitter, Donald Trump has been forced to resurrect his 2006 MySpace account to maintain a platform for his philosophical ramblings. [read...]
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Act like you’ve got the virus and drive to Durham, suggests government
A new advertising campaign released by the UK government has implored the public to save lives by acting like they have contracted Covid and immediately driving 500 miles to Durham. “Gather up your family, take off your glasses and head up north, [read...]