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Objectors Protest Over Plans For Third Stone Circle At Avebury
‘An additional construction at a World Heritage Site is quite inappropriate’ said Lionel Bannerman of the Friends of Green Earthpiece. [read...]
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Porn ID system delayed while civil servant completes Hefty Throbbers download
The system by which masturbators will have to submit their private data to Porn-U-Like, the European Union, [read...]
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New movie imagines life without Freddie and the Dreamers
‘It’s almost like you’re entering a parallel universe,’ said John Lennon (78) who described himself as a retired musician and painter and decorator. [read...]
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Concentration Camps to be rebranded ‘Disney’s World of Cramped Living Conditions
The US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agency is under-fire for detaining immigrants in a ‘detainy’ sort of way, in camps that are bit ‘campish’ and in concentrated fashion, evoking a ‘concentration-esque-vibe’. However, ICE claim it is a marketing issue, [read...]
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Mark Field perfects Heimlich manoeuvre
Medical professionals have applauded MP Mark Field’s valiant man-handling of a Greenpeace protestor, using his best Sith-Lord throat-massage. The Foreign Office minister’s life-saving procedure, involved smashing the young woman against a pillar and bruising her shoulders and arms – or an act of ‘rumpy pumpy’ as Boris Johnson calls it. [read...]
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Mad old cu*ts to choose between lying cu*t and slimy cu*t
Britain’s next leader is to be chosen in a vote made by about 120,000 mad, ageing, right-wing c*nts, who will either elect a lying, philandering, narcissistic c*nt or a slimy, creepy c*nt whose name is even a piece of Cockney rhyming slang for a c*nt, [read...]
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‘Deep dive’ essentially a Google search, confirms manager
A colleague who indicated that they had undertaken a ‘deep-dive’ to fully investigate a topic, has basically done some rudimentary cut and pasting from the first few entries from a Google search, it has emerged. [read...]
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‘Give us back our identities’ say Britain’s fatties
A row has broken out between Britain’s main news and current affairs broadcasters and the nation’s ‘fuller figured’ community over how they are portrayed in features and stories. Barry Neville, Chairman of Roly-Poly People said: ‘Every time there is an obesity-related item in news bulletins it is illustrated by showing footage of larger people from… [read...]