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Many dogs still running on Windows Vista
Dogs whose owners who failed to update their software forgot basic commands and often becoming frozen in mid-jump. [read...]
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Brobdingnag to get broadband ‘shortly’
‘There has been a massive delay in this important development,’ admitted a spokesgiant from OFBROB the country’s telecommunications regulator. [read...]
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Suicide ‘an effective way’ to stop tax credits
With a concerted effort to depress the populace, tax credits could easily be replaced with a bottle of sleeping pills, [read...]
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‘I own the van and my mum washes the kit,’ Rooney reminds team-mates
Wayne Rooney has provided a timely reminder to fellow Manchester United players of his value to the team, following his appearance on the subs bench last weekend and ongoing speculation that he is out of favour with new manager Jose Mourinho. [read...]
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Labour must work together, says Burnham, buggering off to Manchester
The soon-to-be former Shadow Home Secretary, Andy Burnham, has called for the Parliamentary Labour Party to ‘unite, or something’, as he prepares to leave Parliament for the next eight years, minimum. Burnham, who is making a departure from Westminster to escape from his own party, [read...]
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Team GB wins silver medal at International Arms Trading Championship
Great Britain has finished second in the medal table at the 2016 Arms Trading Championship – well above the military superpowers of Russia, China, and France. Effectively obliterating its pre-Championship target of £12 billion from 50 different countries, [read...]
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Shock as wife correctly diagnoses ‘funny noise’ in car
A Basingstoke woman has left her husband devastated after her car started making what she initially described as ‘a funny noise’. Debbie Simmonds was immediately asked by her husband Brian, ‘What kind of ‘funny noise’?’, [read...]
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Zoe and Ed Balls to split
He is an internationally famous professional ballroom dancer who dabbled disastrously in centre-left politics. She earned her fame on the radio by saying things about pop records, putting them on, then taking them off and saying more things, [read...]