0
Wayne Rooney Sentenced to 100 Hours of Playing Up Front for Everton
In a harsh sentence handed down today for drink-driving, Wayne Rooney was ordered to help those less fortunate in society and received 100 hours of community service to be served playing up front for Everton. [read...]
0
London reels from another Trump tweet
A manhunt is underway for the individual who left an ‘unexploded piece of bullshit’ on social media. [read...]
0
Jacob Rees-Mogg complains that New Testament is a “bit too modern”
Jacob Rees-Mogg has admitted that the New Testament is a “little bit too trendy and overloaded with new fangled ideas”. [read...]
0
Ryanair to Charge Passengers Extra Fee to Get a Plane
Ryanair has come up with another clever way of making more money by deciding to charge passengers an extra fee for those who want to travel on an actual aircraft. After purchasing their tickets passengers will be given the option of a plane or no plane. [read...]
0
Planes now refusing to fly over ‘Flyover States’
Political uncertainty in America following the chaos brought about by the Trump presidency is now being compounded by transport issues, it has emerged. The US’s fleet of some 2,000 passenger planes have developed consciousness and their first act has been to vote unanimously that if their owners want them to ferry people between the East… [read...]
0
Side-line dads banned from boys’ ballet classes in abusive behaviour crack-down
Dads who accompany their sons to ballet classes are to be banned if they use abusive and threatening behaviour from the side-lines. The move has come after complaints by other parents and ballet teachers that children are being pressurised and officials threatened by a growing number of angry fathers. [read...]
0
Erwin Schrödinger named Crystal Palace manager
Famous quantum physicist Erwin Schrödinger has been named the new manager of Crystal Palace football club, their fifth in less than a year. The surprise choice explained his strategy in a hastily convened press conference. [read...]
0
Jeremy Corbyn in Late-Night Street Brawl
The Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn has been accused of bringing fear to the streets of Islington, after he was involved in a brutal street brawl between the gang he leads and a rival Centre-Left crew from Mayfair. [read...]