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Surface of Mars “actually quite boring” – NASA
The U.S. space agency is reportedly disappointed with the first images it received from the Perseverance Rover this week. [read...]
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‘Elon Musk no longer world’s richest person’ –but he’s still pretty rich, right?
Tesla’s boss has seen his fortune shrink from an ‘insanely, disgustingly, uber number of bajillions’ to just a mere disgusting number of bajillions. [read...]
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Population of England already asking Boris ‘are we there yet?’
As with any journey, the kids aren’t interested in the road map. They just want to get to the destination. [read...]
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Government commission statue of Matt Hancock to topple
After unlawfully failing to publish details of coronavirus-related contracts worth billions, and the High Court ruling Matt Hancock failed to comply with the law, the government have commissioned a statue of the health secretary to be toppled with immediate effect. [read...]
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New variant of Boris Johnson discovered
Scientists have identified a new variant of Prime Minister Boris Johnson that has emerged in UK. There have a been number of variants of Boris Johnson throughout his time as Prime Minister, and experts suggest, [read...]
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Inquiry into ‘Unelected Power’ of No 10’s Larry the Cat demanded by dog group
Conservative Canine group, Bow-wow, has demanded an extraordinary inquiry into the behind-the-scenes power of Boris Johnson’s Downing Street cat – branding it “pussyism”. Larry the Cat appears to enjoy huge influence in the hiring-and-firing of No 10 staff and in policy making, [read...]
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Wales no longer the size of Wales
Due to coastal erosion and leakage on Gloucester border, Wales has shrunk from its traditional dimensions, thus becoming an area the size of less than Wales. Instead, Slovenia will now become the standard International Measurement for ‘an area that sounds quite shockingly large but is actually quite small’. [read...]
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WHO announces major virus investigation breakthrough: Wuhan is not in China
The Chinese state World Health Organisation has released its findings into the origins of the coronavirus.
Reading from a sheet prepared for him by President Xi Jinping, blindfolded Who mission chief, Peter Ben Embarek, [read...]