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Brandon Lewis awarded MOT Test Centre licence
Conservative MP and Minister of State for Security, Brandon Lewis, is cock-a-hoop today after his application to the Department of Transport requesting that his car lot, [read...]
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Hancock’s New Targets To Be Applied To British Athletics
Following Matt Hancock’s announcement of the proposed scrapping of the 4-hour treatment target at A&E centres the Government is now considering adopting something similar for British athletes. [read...]
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Francois commissions new bell to commemorate UK’s EU exit
Tory Spartan Mark Francois, possibly the most ironic surname imaginable for a man who holds such strong views on Europe, [read...]
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‘Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, except me’ claims Nandy
Labour leadership hopeful and part-time Franco-file, Lisa Nandy, suggested that the best way to deal with Scottish Independence was riot shields and prison-size portions of escudellla. Responding to an interview question, Nandy said she favoured the Catalonia-model; [read...]
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Garlic bread banned from Brexit Day Celebrations
Event organisers of the Brexit Day celebrations, which is to take place in London’s Parliament Square on 31 January, have stipulated that only proper British food and good old British entertainment be allowed. Specially trained garlic sniffer dogs and politically incorrect gammon squads will be present to ensure that anything Johnny foreigner has introduced into… [read...]
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Stocks of servile grovelling and obsequiousness now running dangerously low
The Department of Words and Phrases has issued a warning that following the recent crisis in the Royal Family, stocks of servile grovelling and gushing drivel are running dangerously low and are now all but totally depleted. [read...]
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92yr old man says celibacy is easy
The retired Pope, Benedict XVI, has said priests should remain celibate, despite himself being in his sexual prime. He boasted, at 92 he could have any woman he wanted – he just could not remember what to do with them. [read...]
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Harry starts at Peter Vardy Vauxhall in Reading and promises “to smash targets”
Still-a-Prince Harry has underscored his commitment to become financially independent by already securing his first step in an exciting and challenging new career with a leading motor dealership in Berkshire. An enthusiastic HRH was spotted in light conversation with the Receptionist and Assistant Parts Manager on his first morning, [read...]