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Trains so delayed, they will become tomorrow’s on time service
Train companies are hoping that recent changes in the timetables will lead to today’s trains being so late, [read...]
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Royal Reporter fails to say ‘black culture’ without being a condescending racist
While many have applauded the diversity and talent on display at Harry & Meghan’s wedding, [read...]
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Harry applies to US for green card
A Mr Harry Wales has applied for a green card, which will allow him to live and work in the United States, [read...]
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Pastor Curry To Be Charged with Spreading ‘Love Speech’
To counterbalance the crime of ‘hate speech’, Her Majesty the Queen has asked parliament to enact a Bill criminalising ‘Love Speech’ after Pastor Curry mentioned the word 978 times a minute during Harry and Meghan’s wedding. [read...]
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As Britain sizzles Mungo Jerry hit slammed on all sides
A bitter row has broken out today calling into question the veracity and political correctness of the sentiments expressed within the lyrics of Mungo Jerry’s iconic 70s chart-topping smash hit, ‘In the Summertime’. Physicist, Dr William Glynn, [read...]
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Commoners told to ‘tidy up’ before they go
Over 2000 commoners trapped inside the grounds of Windsor Castle have been told they won’t be allowed to leave until the place is clean and tidy. Those commoners who tried to get away a bit early to beat the rush found the portcullis locked and the drawbridge raised to prevent them from leaving. [read...]
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You Owe Us! Zebras Demand Crossing Over Crocodile Infested Waters
Every year, Zebras migrate to where the grass is literally greener, risking their lives in the process. Apart from encountering lions, and other big cats on land, their annual trek entails a treacherous swim through crocodile infested rivers. [read...]
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Morrissey announces Smiths to reform for Harry and Meghan’s evening do
Reports have emerged that Prince Harry personally asked the members of The Smiths if they would consider reforming for a one-off gig at his wedding reception. Guitarist Jonny Marr, bassist Andy Rourke and drummer Mike Joyce were happy to reform under the proviso that their fees would go to charities of their choosing. [read...]