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Studios in bidding war for movie rights to Starmer’s ‘essay’
Leaked copies of Sir Keir’s conference speech have ignited interest in Hollywood, with producers desperate to tell the powerful story of one man’s struggle against popularity, [read...]
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Chicken-runners smuggling KFC into Auckland caught licky-fingered
Strict laws regarding access to takeaways in New Zealand have led to organised gangs running illegal KFC hot rods into Auckland. [read...]
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HS2 has ‘no end in sight’? Surely some sort of platform would work?
The never-ending railway development, is set to last longer than re-runs of ‘Friends’. Tracks continue to be laid for no other reason than they were there, [read...]
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‘Tears of hungry children will help fill my swimming pool’ Chancellor promises parents
Chancellor Rishi Sunak has assured worried parents of hungry children that their bedtime tears will not be shed in vain. A Treasury spokesman explained: ‘When children go to bed hungry it inevitably ends in tears, [read...]
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CO2 Shortage: Government urges people to breathe out more and breathe in less
The fizzy drinks industry can breathe more easily thanks to the latest plans to solve the carbon dioxide crisis, which has meant millions have gone without their fizzy pop thanks to a shortage of nose-tickling bubbles. [read...]
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Russian Government denies involvement in the Opal Fruits/Starburst name change
A spokesman for Vladimir Putin has categorically refuted the claim that it was Russian interference which resulted in Opal Fruits changing their name to Starburst in 1998. Despite evidence uncovered by UN investigators and the CIA, [read...]
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Threat of third world war less feared than threat of ancient Greek poetry
Brits are pretty OK with the threat of a third world war, nuclear exchange, and the inevitability of mutually assured destruction. The important thing is that they have taken back control of their borders and whatever the other two were. [read...]
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British TV British Legally British Required to be British
The commie, pinko, Britain-hating BBC will now be legally required to produce ‘distinctively British’ programmes, like Only Fools and Horses and Fleabag, though, mysteriously, not like Luther and I May Destroy You. The BBC itself will rebrand as the Great British Broadcasting Corporation. [read...]