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Trump/Kim Jong-un war of words to be settled with game of Scrabble
President Trump has agreed to turn what could have been a global conflagration into a quite literal war of words. [read...]
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Trump desperately seeking more alliterative threats
After threatening North Korea with ‘fire and fury’ and ‘locked and loaded’ President Trump, despite English being his first language, [read...]
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Still no condemnation of mouse killing by Cat Owning Community
No killer has been found for the unidentified mouse whose corpse was discovered in Local Park on Sunday. [read...]
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Anti-tourism marches now a major tourist attraction
Jaded travellers who previously thought they had seen and done everything have discovered an exciting new travel experience this summer in angry marches against tourism. Many are now flocking to the hotbeds of this anger, [read...]
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Mo Farah just grateful to see the back of Quorn
Although finishing his competitive career with a disappointing Silver, in the 5,000m, Mo Farah expressed his relief that he no longer needed to maintain the charade of liking meat-substitute fungus. Even Usain Bolt was forced to feign injury in his final race, [read...]
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All service station food to be edible by 2040
All snacks sold on British roadways will be made fit for human consumption by 2040, The Ministry of Transport, in conjunction with the major service station chains, has announced. The move is part of a Europe-wide campaign to phase out ‘dirty’ [read...]
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Careers Officer to be awarded the Victoria Cross
The Ministry of Defence and Department of Education have announced that Bert Matthews, Head of Sixth Form and Careers Officer at Barnet High Academy, will be awarded the Victoria Cross for ‘gallantry in the face of the enemy’. [read...]
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North Korea asks – Do you feel lucky? Well? Do ya, punk?
Unsure as to whether they had recently tested six intercontinental ballistic missiles or only five, the DPRK [Democratic People’s Republic of Korea] increased their rhetoric against the US by waving a long-range .44 Magnum in the general direction of Guam. [read...]