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35% of people will punch researcher says researcher from hospital bed
Evidence of “voter fatigue” has been shown by a survey where a cross section of people were asked if they would like to punch the next person who asked a survey question. [read...]
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May denies pandering to DUP in Queen’s Speech
Theresa May is facing criticism that the legislative programme for the government for the next 2 years has been shaped somewhat by ongoing negotiations with the DUP. [read...]
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Wood Pigeons Told to Vary Their Song
Britain’s songbirds have told wood pigeons they might want to try a different tune or something. [read...]
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Daily Mail distances itself from Daily Mail
In a remarkable act of contortion and sophistry, The Daily Mail has taken the extraordinary step of disavowing all knowledge of Katie Hopkins, Mail Online and the whereabouts of the last horcrux. While both part of DMG Media, [read...]
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Play School Toys react stoically to news of Brian Cant’s passing
The Play School toys have reacted with trademark reserve and passivity on hearing that their all time favourite presenter Brian Cant has passed away, it has been revealed. After breaking the news to them at their comfortable retirement home in the media museum in Bradford, [read...]
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Davis tells EU: ‘Hang on, lads. I’ve got a great idea’
Despite assurances of a straight forward ‘smash and grab’, the UK’s Brexit team have found themselves teetering over the edge of political precipice, watching as EU assets slip towards the rear door. Sadly, David ‘Choker’ Davis’ [read...]
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Don’t bother, says man who was dipped in chocolate and thrown to the lesbians
Most amusing but slightly pervy-sounding fantasies are best left that way, according to Nigel Walker, a 58-year-old chartered surveyor from the Isle of Wight who was recently dipped in chocolate and thrown to the lesbians. [read...]
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Toast distances itself from Theresa May
Slices of toast have popped up all over the UK to criticize metaphors applied to Theresa May. “I for one am fed up to the crusts with this ‘Theresa is toast’ claim”, said a piece of grilled brown Warburtons from Nottingham. [read...]