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Northerners to be given HS2 viewing gallery
A viewing gallery the size of a football stadium is to be erected near Liverpool to allow the manual workers of the industrial north and their families to view approaching high-speed electrified trains arriving from London. [read...]
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Price comparison site for price comparison sites launched
In response to the bewildering number of price comparison sites now competing to save you money on everything from travel to car insurance, [read...]
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Sports Direct profit fall linked to having no staff serving customers
Market analysts suspect that the 60% reduction in profits at Sports Direct may be related to them having no employees at all actually dealing with shoppers. [read...]
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Mother left devastated after womb receives 1-star TripAdvisor review
A mother has been left deeply upset after receiving a highly-critical review of her uterus on the travel website TripAdvisor. Sharon Harvey, 36, is said to have been ‘hurt and surprised’ by the short but damning write-up, [read...]
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Teen begs parents to stop using emojis
A teenager from London has pleaded with her parents to stop using emojis. 15 year-old Katy Smith has threatened legal action if she receives one more flying dolphin or monkey covering his eyes. ‘Actual grown-ups with jobs and mortgages should not be sending wink faces, [read...]
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Mark Carney forced to write letter to Mrs Carney
‘The Fiesta Mrs Carney uses as a run-around needed a service and MoT. Unfortunately the left hand front brake calliper was seized so that was a bit of a bill,’ he said. [read...]
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Final Brexit deal ‘to be tested on mice’
Brexit Secretary David Davis has confirmed that the final terms of Britain’s exit from the EU will be trialled on mice under laboratory conditions before being rolled out across the country. The move has been broadly welcomed by MPs and business leaders who have expressed concerns about the effect an untested settlement could have on the UK economy. [read...]
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Man still waiting for praise three days after minor act of domestic proactivity
It is 72 hours since project manager Andrew Marshall emptied the dishwasher without being asked. Hope is fading for any kind of recognition or sexual reward. Experts refer to the ‘golden hour’, after which a domestic good deed is increasingly likely to be lost forever. [read...]