Israel was being comforted by friends last night after the rest of the Middle East appeared to have forgotten its Sixtieth Anniversary. ‘It’s like they just don’t care’ said Israel. ‘This was a special one and we were hoping that for one year they could remember and get it right without being prompted. We’d been dropping hints all week, but you know, sometimes I think they seem to barely recognize we even exist.’

International Rescue, commonly known as Thunderbirds, has announced that they have been forced to limit their world-saving activities due to soaring fuel costs. ‘Given that rocket fuel and petrol prices are hitting $120 per barrel, we are having to limit rescue missions by only sending one Thunderbird craft at a time and using public transport for non-emergency missions,’ admitted Scott Tracy.

Contractors overseeing the building of the London Olympic stadium today had to request police assistance to remove Kevin McCloud and the entire ‘Grand Designs’ production team from the site. Builders said that they had never agreed to feature on the hit Channel 4 TV programme and were fed up with McCloud striding across the site saying in hushed tones that he wondered whether they were being a bit over-ambitious given the budget and time constraints.