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Dec to go to the toilet ‘unaided’ for the first time


Not only will Declan Donnelly be hosting programmes by himself, but the minuscule presenter will be attempting many activities solo for the first time; including tying his shoelaces and picking his own nose.  Up until now he has relied heavily on long-term co-presenter, Ant McPartlin, to help with all manner of things, not least of which was making ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ vaguely palatable and not to appearing short by comparison.


Friends of Dec are concerned that after 30 years of collaboration, he will be unable to do the basics, such as finishing his own sentences or keeping the left side of the duvet warm. One said: ‘They did everything together - hula hoop, tax returns, even their fake Geordie accents. Dec would often sit on Ant’s shoulders to reach up for the biscuit tin.’


The pair would normally unwind by painting self-portraits of each other or taking long hot baths together, alternating at the tap end.  Said the friend:  ‘It was Ant’s decision to go solo on the whole drink driving thing. Dec wanted to join in, but couldn’t reach the pedals. And he would be the first to admit that doing things alone for the first time will be very strange. Masturbation will just seem weird’.


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