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Chaos ensued on BBC’s cooking show Great British Menu, when one dish caused a major emergency and very nearly burnt the presenter and studio to the ground.
Contestant Paul Champion was recreating his much-praised: Ironic Vesuvius Erupting Amid Clouds of Compassion Caught Somewhere In Gran’s Fading Mind, paying homage to the NHS, when things went badly wrong.
'I had just sprinkled shavings of unicorn testicles over heritage irradiated purified wasp excrement and mouse snot powder, then fired up my WW2 army flamethrower to meld them together. But that's when things went a bit mental,' Paul said.
Unbeknown to him the lethal weapon was set on full power. Immediately a 30-foot jet of white-hot flame shot out, licking across presenter Andi Oliver's bottom and taking at least £250 off the value of her designer jump suit..
Safety officer, Reg Knaphill, who eventually brought the conflagration under control was less than impressed when speaking to reporters.
‘I am sick of it. Heston Blumenthal has a lot to answer for with this pretentious nonsense. What hell's wrong with a good old plate of ham, egg and chips?
Tory strategist Clementine Carruthers clarified 'I assume when Rishi says he's targeting the over 50s, he just means he's targeting winning over 50 Westminster seats at the next election - out of 650 total.'
'The PM doesn't want to disenfranchise - or make disappear - every voter under the age of 50. Or does he? The under 50s must be stopped. Were you caught buying a vape, like a young person might do? Marked for death. Offered your seat on the bus to a kindly old lady, who gave you a Werthers Original to say thanks? Death. Do you still have hopes and dreams for the future? Definitely death.'
'To secure the Saga vote, you need to put your campaign lies onto the side of a cruise ship instead of a bus. This will create a blue rinse, blue wall... forever!'
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