Explained one General: ‘It starts with decreased liver function, but soon enough it will grow a beard and start beheading journalists. Look at this photo of the virus. Technically we are talking about haemorrhagic fever, rather than actual terrorists. But if you squint your eyes...a little bit...and tilt your head...see? There - Abu Hamza!’
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Despite Rebekah Vardy losing her defamation case against Coleen Rooney in the 'Wagatha Christie' libel trial, many of her hardcore supporters have declared they will continue the struggle until the verdict is over-thrown and "justice is seen to be done".
"It's a travesty, that's what it is, a travesty !" raged Caroline Tucker, a leading Vardian advocate, "Rebekah is as honest and credible as the day is long - the judge has been knobbled by those Rooneyan liars. We demand a retrial !"
As a result of this militancy, supporters of Coleen Rooney have been quick to counter these claims.
"It's a travesty, that's what it is, a travesty !" opined Jane Fraser, long-term Roonite campaigner, "After a fair and above-board trial, these Vardican delusionists can still not see the truth - open your eyes !"
At this point, Ms Fraser launched herself at an unsuspecting Mrs Tucker, and had to be restrained by a number of journalists who were not avidly taking photographs.
It is believed that small scale scuffles such as this have taken place across the UK as representatives of both groups clash. Police are currently taking a low-key response, but there are fears that if both groups become weaponised we could see civil unrest on the same scale as the Blur / Oasis Intifada of 1995.
"We can but hope that the fundamental apathy of the Great British Public will eventually reassert itself, and effectively smother and defuse the situation" reported a bored-looking Police spokesman.
In related news, it is believed that both Jamie Vardy and Wayne Rooney are currently out of the country on 'some sort of football stuff, yeah, you know ?'
image from pixabay
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