The Conservative Party has promised to come down hard on young ne'er do wells, by compelling them to ‘polish Tory silverware’. Rather than being an Etonian euphemism, the aim is to put those without employment into meaningful community work; such as cleaning moats, feeding the pheasants and handing out lemon-grass scented hand towels.
Said a butler: ‘We’re offering a meaningful alternative to the welfare state. Cleaning his Lordship’s hunter wellies is a community service. As is turning down his covers, folding his barbour jacket and offering him welcome cocktails with culinary treats. Besides, doors don’t answer themselves, you know’.