A recent poll carried out by MORI for the campaign for Unreal Life has discovered that 82% of British adults would vote to succeed from reality and live in a fantasy world of their own making. The poll, conducted on a Sunday night with work looming on Monday morning, is bound to call into question the policy of government to “Make everything a bit crap”
When a sample of the UK public were asked to comment further, Dave Goodman of Essex commented, “Well, as a forty two year old smoker, who drinks five pints a night and has a beer gut, I would love to be a professional footballer for a Premier League team who gets to spend his week nights in nightclubs and expensive hotel rooms with glamour models. I’d vote for that.”
Celia Downton, who lives in a small basement flat in an unfashionable area of North London, responded “Much as I love my cat, I’d happily drown him in a bucket in order to change my life of meeting so called single men on the internet and in bars, only to end up weeping and bitter after they have used me and I realise that they will never leave their wife. Ideally I’d be a romantic heroine in a billowing white dress, being wooed by a rich, sophisticated, single man who would die for me and quotes poetry as we make passionate love. Either that, or a dominatrix in a dungeon of pain, lashing the skin of all the men who have betrayed me.”
Leading analysts have complained that some of the expectations are unrealistic, pointing out that if everyone lived in a fantasy world then nothing would get done, overseas investors would move their business elsewhere, and there would be a shortage of glamour models for all the men who suddenly became professional footballers, let alone the problems of scheduling all the matches for the vastly increased number of Premier league teams. It is further estimated that number of rocket launches required for all of the men who really wanted to be astronauts instead of working in IT would bankrupt the nation.
Despite the obvious practical problems, an e-petition to succeed from reality has been started on the government website, and if it gains enough signatures then it will have to be debated in the House of Commons, where it is thought that a number of MPs will vote in favour of being in Celia’s dungeon of pain.